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nerdy-analysis · 5 months ago

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Slasher Horror, the Innate Horror of Disturbance, and a Defense of the Maligned

Horror, as most fans of the genre will know, is rather vicarious, as a genre. It allows us to indirectly experience and live through horrifying, traumatizing events through the lens of fiction, it allows us to view these events in such a way that we can process emotions that are centered on those situations, the core points of the horror. It allows us to examine how we might react to those situations.

For instance, Midsommar. Though not a movie of the subgenre I plan to discuss, it nonetheless stands as a good example of the vicarious nature of horror. At its core, the film is centered on trauma, and how that affects our relationships, how our relationships affect our reaction to trauma, and the horror of being controlled, and the loss of control. Dani, the main character, doesn’t fully control her own life, because of her abusive partner. She has also been traumatized by the death of her family at the hands of her sister. Eventually, she thinks she’s gained control of her life, through the cult that causes her to sacrifice the aforementioned partner, but she still doesn’t truly have control over her life.

Her abusive relationship affects how she processes her trauma. Her lack of control over her life leads her to the cult. The cult gives her the illusion of control and choice all while controlling her instead, and that illusion of choice is acted upon and informed by her trauma and relationships. All of those events are possibilities in someone’s life, and all of them are situations we can process through the lens of fiction.

I say all of this as a sort of preamble to the core point. Slasher Horror. It’s a subgenre that’s near and dear to my heart, and what got me into the broader genre of horror. And I feel like it gets a bad rap, in comparison to high-concept, more thematic-based, arthouse horror. And that isn’t to say that I’m not a fan of arthouse horror, some of my favorite horror movies are arthouse horror. But that doesn’t change the fact that Slasher movies are… maligned, by a decently sized group. Considered to not be “real” horror.

When most people think of or hear the words, “Slasher Movie”, they probably think of cheap jumpscares, cheesy antagonists, and extreme plot contrivances. Of course, that isn’t to say Slasher movies like those described don’t exist. The Leprechaun franchise is a perfect example of the archetype. But in my experience, those people tend not to understand why Slasher movies are horror movies, and they usually don’t understand the context behind the history of the subgenre either.

Which means it’s time for a history lesson.

The History of a Genre

Humans have always been interested in violence, and seeing other people being subject to it. There’s a reason the Coliseum was so popular in Ancient Rome. Of course, we aren’t going quite that far back. No, we’re only going back to the early 20th century and on. Our trip starts in 1908, with Mary Roberts Rinehart, and a book called The Circular Staircase. In it, we follow a woman named Rachel Innes, and her nephew and niece. She’s rented a summerhouse, which has a ghost, if the ex, and now current, butler Thomas is to be believed,

Events occur, and eventually, the body of one Arnold Armstrong is found, the estranged son of the homeowner. More events happen, and more bodies pile up, all under mysterious circumstances. The book was then adapted into a play, which became a movie, both titled The Bat. A lot was changed, but there are two key details. Murder is still committed, and an antagonist is added. A masked man who goes by The Bat.

Already, we see the seeds of the Slasher being planted. A string of murder victims, mysterious circumstances, and a masked villain. All things that are rather heavily associated with Slashers today. Let's jump forwards now, to 1932, and to a movie named Thirteen Women.

The movie follows, as one might expect, thirteen women. Sorority sisters who write to a clairvoyant for horoscopes. Unknown to them, however, is that the clairvoyant was manipulated by Ursula Georgi, who was snubbed by the sorority sisters for being mixed race, winding up with her leaving the school. Through the horoscopes, and other plans and plots, she manipulates the sisters into killing each other, with only one surviving, Laura Stanhope.

And with Thirteen Women, we see the seed of another of the Slasher’s most recognizable tropes. The Final Girl. The sole survivor of the murderous events of the movie, book, show, or play.

Now, we jump to the year 1946, and the movie The Spiral Staircase, which follows a mute woman, trying to not die at the hands of a serial killer. It opens with the murder of a mute girl who had been watching a silent film, the third murder in a string of killings. The movie then follows, for the most part, Helen, a mute woman who works in a mansion as the live-in companion for Blanche Warren.

Once more, murders occur at the hands of the antagonist, but we see a few new pieces of the puzzle enter the picture. First, Helen is confronted by the murderer, who wants to kill her as well. The second, the unsuccessful murder that leads to the murderer's death. Additionally, an opening kill, and one committed by a serial killer.

Now we can see the baseline of the Slasher stitching itself together. Mysterious murders, caused by a serial killer, a lone survivor, and confrontations with the murderer.

Of course, the Slasher wasn’t developed in isolation, its base wasn’t just thriller-horror and psychological horror. Art can’t be made in isolation. It’s influenced by other pieces, by its very nature. Which brings us to Splatter horror and Giallo movies.

Splatter horror, more commonly known as “Torture Porn”, is a subgenre of horror that centers on gore, the name being derived from blood splatters. The horror aspect, the part of the subgenre that scares, is the idea that there might be people who would do those things in real life. That someone you walk past might have dismembered someone in their house the other day. As you might assume if you’ve watched Splatter and Slasher films, the influence that Splatter horror had on Slasher is the kills. The gory nature, the gratuity, the body count.

It also, though rather more indirectly, led to the development of a less commented on, though rather ubiquitous, trope. The Body Crawl. Wherein our Final Girl, in her run to avoid the murderer is confronted by the bodies of their other victims.

Then, of course, we come to giallo films. A unique form of murder-mystery story, or just mystery in certain cases, that finds its origin in Italy, the giallo film primarily influenced the Slasher insofar as cementing the mystery aspect of the genre, namely in that, in franchise firsts, or stand-alone movies, we have yet to meet the murderer, with it being revealed at the end of the movie, though such isn’t always the case. One such example would be the reveal that Pamela Voorhees was responsible for the murders in Friday the 13th Part One.

Giallo films, however, also weren’t developed without external genres influencing its tropes and formulas, with the stylings and films of Alfred Hitchcock being an influence on the genre, once more bringing the roots of the slasher back to the thriller and the psychological.

And now, we come to two movies that are, by most fans of the genre, considered the Grandfather, and Father of the Modern Slasher.

The Sanctity of Suburbia, and the Horror of its Shattering

Black Christmas (1974) and Halloween (1978). The two movies that most consider the progenitors of the Slasher. Of course, that isn’t to say that movies that are recognizable as Slashers didn’t come before. Why, in the very same year that Black Christmas was released, the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre was released as well. But that isn’t a movie I’ll be discussing here.

Black Christmas: The Plot

Let’s tackle 1974’s Black Christmas first. It is, in many ways, Halloween’s father. Stylistically similar, a similar premise, and even themed around a holiday. Much like the earlier Thirteen Women, Black Christmas follows a group of sorority sisters. Second verse, same as the first feels a rather fitting phrase to use here, I feel. Of course, Black Christmas is a different film to Thirteen Women. It happens o find itself in another unique category, one that tends to be lumped in with the Slasher. Rather unfairly, I might add. The Exploitation Film.

Rather counterintuitive to the name, and the associated trends, the Exploitation film isn’t entirely about exploiting people. It gained its name for exploiting contemporary topics and trends, though it’s rather undeniable that the subgenre tends toward the sexually exploitative.

Black Christmas was labelled one such film for the rather brutal, for the time, kills found within the film. It takes place over the days before, and on, Christmas, where an unknown murderer is making obscene calls to a sorority house, one that is missing a member, by the name of Clare.

Clare is, of course, dead. When a search party is finally organized, the sorority’s Housemother, Mrs. MacHenry finds Clare’s body in the attic, before being murdered herself. More calls happen, leading the police to tap the phone, and trace one of the calls, leading to the iconic line of “The calls are coming from inside the house.” Our Final Girl, Jess, has her Body Crawl before locking herself in the basement, where her boyfriend, Peter enters through the window.

In a panic, she beats him to death. The police, thinking Peter was the killer leave Jess to sleep. The movie ends with the killer’s voice sounding from the attic, where Clare and MacHenry remain, undiscovered. The attic hatch opens, and the phone rings.

Halloween: The Plot

Halloween (1978), much like it’s father and one of the primary inspirations, Black Christmas, has a cold open kill. This time instead of it being a sorority sister, and an unknown killer, we meet the movie’s murderer as a child, as he murders his sister, Judith.

We then flash to fifteen years in the future, where Samuel Loomis, our murderer’s psychiatrist, is driving with Marion Chambers to escort Michael Myers, the aforementioned murderer, to a court hearing.

Michael, however, manages to make his way to Haddonfield, the location of the movie, killing a mechanic and buying a white mask, creating the iconic look of The Shape. Having seen Laurie Strode drop off a key to his old home, he decides to stalk her. Laurie naturally notices, though her concerns are brushed off by her friends, Annie and Lynda.

That night, Laurie and Annie go to their babysitting jobs, all the while followed by Michael. Annie takes her charge to the Doyle house, where Laurie is babysitting, so that she can pick up her boyfriend. Michael then kills her in her car. Laurie’s other friend Lynda, and her boyfriend Bob, go to the Wallace house, where Annie had been babysitting. They find it empty. After having sex with each other, Bob is murdered as he goes to get a beer. Lynda is killed when trying to find out where Annie is, all while Laurie can hear her being strangled.

After the prerequisite Body Crawl Laurie attacks Michael, managing to take off his mask, and attracting Dr. Loomis’ attention. Loomis shoots him six times, but it winds up being revealed that Michael’s body is missing from where he should be.

The Horror and the Context

Boiled down to their core plot elements, Black Christmas and Halloween don’t sound very scary, right? But that would be because it’s missing the context surrounding the movies. You see, during the 1970s, when both movies released, there was a certain phenomenon sweeping the United States. The Serial Killer Scare, as I like to call it.

The ‘70s and ‘80s, the nominal golden decades of the Slasher, found themself as decades where seemingly every other day a new serial killer was being announced to the world. Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, the Golden State Killer, the Zodiac Killer, the Son of Sam, the Manson Family, the Hillside Strangler, Richard Ramirez. Was the person you passed by a serial killer? Was it someone you knew?

Before the Serial Killer Scare, suburbia was seen as somewhat of a safe haven, a den of safety away from the crime-ridden cities, away from those dens of iniquity where you could wind up being mugged, or assaulted, or even killed, heavens forbid. It was a place of safety and comfort, where your white-picketed dreams could come true.

So, when so many serial killers were revealed to be people that you wouldn’t give a second look, people who might seem like model citizens, it shattered that picket-fence veil of security. It revealed that, no matter how safe you had felt, no matter how secure you thought you were, you were still being hunted. Still prey, at the whims of a predator. That your death, idealized as natural and at old age, surrounded by your loved ones, was unpredictable. That your life could be stolen on a normal night, with a normal knife, by the hands of someone who, on the surface, is just. Like. You.

And art, as a sheer aspect of its existence, is necessarily a reflection, a commentary, and a method of processing the realities of our world. Art is made in reaction to circumstances, made as a deconstruction and analysis of circumstances, and is made to process those circumstances. So, when the elements of the Slasher that had been seeded finally came to bloom, it was only natural that that bouquet of tropes, stations and concepts would be arranged around the facets of life that are seen as safe. The facets of life that were held sacrosanct and unchangeable.

The peace of suburbia shattered in a single night by the blade of a knife. The joy and calm of a summer camp irrevocably rent asunder by the grief of a model woman. The soft land of dreams turned into damaging realms of nightmare and death. The innocence of childhood and children’s toys perverted by the whims of a murderer.

And that is where the horror of the Slasher movie comes from. Slashers aren’t scary because of the kills, the gore, or the designs of the murderer. Slashers are scary because, at their core, they’re about being stalked, being hunted, being prey, and having the illusion of normalcy, safety and peace irrevocably ruined. They’re scary, not for the what or why of the murder, but the maybes and what-ifs of real life.

Slasher’s horror is mistakenly believed to be the murderer. And, in a roundabout manner, it is. But it is not what or who the murderer is, but what they represent. A stranger. A brother. A dream. A toy. A grieving mother. A boyfriend. The horror is what we hold dear, and how it may be far more sinister than we thought, and the shattering of the illusion of safety.

#horror #meta essay #my posts #slasher movies #is the first post im making here about slashers?#yes #yes it #i really hate how some people discard an entire category because #its somehow doing horror “wrong” or something #like because they werent scared #that means it isnt horror #this is directed at film bros #and my shithead brother i like to forget im related to

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cepheusgalaxy · 1 year ago

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Ah, today was a pretty decent day!

We had nice snacks (cake and my favorite juice) earlier and the classes were also pretty decent, even that one that I needed the movie for -- what we're working on this cycle is this book but it has a pretty loyal movie adaptation and I was planning on watching that, but I couldn't make the time to watch it (again). The thing is that I had watched it before lots of years ago but the conversation we had on class (worth 30% of the literature grade) was pretty simple, the teacher made us questions and we answered them together, and my memory didn't fail me, for that movie really stuck on me, so everything went well! Now all is left is to finish that book--i had forgot how fast i can read when I'm invested--and it's a pretty fun book. I mean, I have to finish it before 15h but I'm already quite past the half of it so I'm sure I can at least near the end--and I also watched the movie adaptation of Enola Holmes some years ago when it came out. Then, before or after finishing the book, I'll see if I can get a try at the pool (its not gonna stay for long and as I was on my period i couldn't use it until now), and then after I'll do some more advance on my reference sheet (start polishing the turnaround and getting more expressions done on the other side of the sheet, as well as some notes on his design and color scheme~) or watch or play a little. At 17h30 ill get ready for gym and will be back at 19h-ish to get ready to go to mom's--then I'll ask for help to do the bloody video (i got a date! now i know how long i got to do it), start planning it, AND then I will get more of the turnaroud done this week, take good pictures of it all and post it and sign the docs to participe on the art trade event.

Now before lunch I'll also finish the transcription of my research for tomorrow

#rambles #to-do list #school tag #how good is to have things working out #maybe i wont need to leave the club after all #oh yea i have to post that update hold on

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absolutebl · 2 years ago

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BL for Feb 2023

2.14 Moments Of Love (Thai - Foremorfilm Production) cinemas Was originally Golf (Director of 609 Bedtime Story & The Eclipse) to direct stars SmartJames (LeonPhob from Don't Say No) in a series. Is now something totally different and a movie. We are all confused.

02.16 Boyband the series (Thai - World Star) YouTube - Thai idol boy band BL.

02.18 Bed Friend (Thai - Domundi) Viki, YouTube, iQIYI? Adapted from a Y-novel (same setting as Middleman’s Love) about Uea (reserved and shy and hates players) and King (a big time flirt) who work in the same office and share a best friend. Despite the fact that they don’t really like each other they end up in bed together. This pair was originally supposed to be just side dishes for Middle Love, but it seems they got their own series. Not sure if this is a lesson learned from Why R U?, a lockdown necessity, a shifting to an En of Love model, or if NetJames did so well in rehearsal they earned their own series. They are crazy beautiful together. Domundi will use these two to bring higher heat, just like they did with FighterTutor. This series could be good, especially as it is based on a book, so hopefully it has PLOT. James was Gui’s best friend in Oxygen and one of my top picks at the time to get his own BL. Net was an established actor prior to BL. I am VERY excited about this pair.

02.18 Chains of Heart (Thai - Gaga) trailer Suspense thriller about a forest ranger, smugglers, memory loss, and lost love. Stars Haii (Cirrus in TT2) + ?, with Poppy as a side character. Adapted from a Y-novel of the same name by TJ Tommy.

02.28 Tin Tam Jai (Thai - MFlow Entertainment) Gaga also iQIYI Adorable Tin has a life-long dream to marry an older boy in his neighborhood, Park. Adaptation of y-novel of the same name, from same production co as Coffee Melody & Ai Long Nhai. I'll likely binge it.

Supposedly releasing in Feb, no fixed date

The Promise (Thai) YouTube - Follow up to a pulp that I didn't see and never even heard about, Phupha | Nanfah.

Heart by Heart (Thai - Half Toast Production) YouTube trailer. From the y-novel of the same name, the trailers are GOOD. I’m more excited for this one then I thought I'd be. Has a bit of Tasty Florida, bad boy/good boy, high drama going on. Stars all unknowns but they look like decent actors.

Jack Frost (Japan) After saying goodbye to his friend, Ritsu has an accident and looses his memory. His roommate, Ikuya, struggles to rebuild their relationship. In the process, Ritsu falls in love with Ikuya, unaware that they were already in a relationship.

Egoist (Japan) cinema - One of my absolute favorite Japanese actors Hio Miyazawa (from His the movie) has the lead in this movie adaptation of Makoto Takayama’s autobiographical novel Egoist. He’ll be opposite super famous actor Ryohei Suzuki. This is about an openly gay but vein and superficial man (Hio) who falls in love with a personal trainer (Ryohei) who is stuck taking care of his sick mother. It’s not BL, it’s gay coming of age and we can’t expect it to end happily. Still, I’ll probubly try to watch it. Japanese movies are notoriously difficult to get ahold of, tho.

Marry My Dead Body AKA Ghost and I Becoming Family (Taiwan) - police officer forced to marry a ghost.

More on many of these from BL Express. And here.

(source)

READ THIS BIT:

This information is to the best of my knowledge as of 02.02.2023, will NOT be kept updated after that date. Leave and read comments for updates! Crowd source that shizz.

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joe9cool · 3 years ago

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Collide - Justin Herbert - 9

Sara was on cloud fucking nine.

Justin had just left for practice, they had a small breakfast together before he left, telling her he’d see her Sunday night. They were leaving straight for Texas after practice, which sucked Sara was going to miss him but she was otherwise happy

“I could fall in looovve with you.” Sara sang as she twirled around his living room, her phone playing Selena on full blast from the bluetooth speaker. She poured herself a big mimosa while she was cleaning. It was a celebratory occasion afterall, she was happy, she officially had a man, who despite his injury blew her back out last night.

Selfish as this may, she wanted him to recover fast, not only for the team, but fuck. Justin was a whole foot taller than her, she wanted him to take advantage. Use that size to fuck her up. I mean she couldn’t complain, he ate her out like a starved man last night. She was in such a good mood, she didn’t even check twitter and it didn’t even bother her that Taylor would be working alongside her man.

As she was dancing, she picked up Nova and swung her around, the cat looking confused. Her phone began ringing, and Sara saw that it was her Agent. She picked up. “Hello?”

“Sara I have some huge news,” Derek stated. He was known for getting straight to the point. “So guess who reached out to me?” Before she could answer, he cut in “Richelle Mead!”

She gasped. “The author? Of the Vampire Academy books?” Memories of her being obsessed with the six book series in high school, camping out all night for the newest release, texting all her friends about Dimitri and Rose.

“The one and only, and guess what? They are making a movie adaption of the books. Richelle is already scouting for the roles and she said she is very interested in having you play Rose!”

“Shut the fuck up!” She jumped up and down, forgetting that she was holding an animal in her other arm. After setting the cat down with a quick apology, she began her celebration. “Did she give a timeline to anything?”

Derek sighed, “Nothing yet, we probably wouldn’t be looking at any finalization until the end of 2023. But the studio would be Lionsgate and they are looking to spend the money right now. You are the most sought out actresses, and a sure blockbuster.” She smiled, well it for sure would be an amazing opportunity. “Keep me informed.”

“That’s what I am here for, baby. Also, Ben from Lord Huron reached out and asked if you would be able to sing on another track. They are rereleasing their album with a couple bonus tracks.”

“Oh that’s great! I still have Ben’s number! I will call him as soon as we are done.” They went over filming, and asked if she got the script for the new season of the show. Once they finalized that they hung up.

Once dressed and complete with hair and makeup (emphasis on makeup covering the hickeys on neck, she headed out to meet Ben and the others. Sara was a huge Lord Huron fan, discovering them in 2012 as a sixteen year old, and introduced the show’s audience to their music, and they blew up. When The Lead singer reached out late 2020 and asked if she wanted to be a part of ‘I lied’ she freaked out, the song and the music video was a success, and as a thank you he painted the single album cover that hangs in her home. Justin asked about it the first time he came over, and she put a bunch of their songs on Spotify for him to listen to.

The studio the band was working at was a decent drive and with the LA traffic it was about a couple hours later that she walked into the old warehouse that he converted into a recording studio. After the greetings they got to work. Ben asked her what songs she wanted to sing on and she chose ‘Meet me in the City’ and ‘Drops in the Lake’. Meet me in the city was a very sexy song about lovers who were in a forbidden relationship and wanted to run away together. It made her think of her and Justin’s story. Drops in the Lake was a sad song about Love lost and wishing you could go back in time.

Ben was remixing in the booth and Sara decided to post a photo of the sound studio on her stories. Immediately people began replying, however one caught her eye,

HarryStyles: Glad to see you're in the studio again. Takes me back.

She stared at it. Why the fuck would he send this? What does this all mean? She had spent so many nights wanting this moment. All the thirst traps she posted on insta, all the moments she pretended she was living her best life with her friends while she was really drunk and down a self destructive path. Now she picked herself up, has someone else in her life and he's doing all of this? For what? He is still with Olivia and they seem happy. So why?

"Alright Sara" Ben's voice broke her from her trance. "So I'm gonna go in and record the first verse, and then you do the second. We will combine together for the chorus and you will sing the last line of the song." She smiled. "Oh that's my favorite line!"

She watched as Ben stepped in the booth and the music began playing. She was on the couch, swaying back and forth and singing along. Since this was a re-record, she was up before she knew it. Once she got the cue she started to sing her part

Go home and say goodbye forever

Tell your ball and chain you won't be back around.

Forget the life you had and don't look back.

Get your courage up and drink this down.

If our love is so wrong, tell me why does it feel so right?

She closed her eyes and pictured the events of the night before. Justin untying the strings of the bikini before reaching his large hands up to cup her breasts. Her breath getting heavy as she felt his lips on her neck. Her reaching behind her and grabbing his length and stroking as she heard his moans.

Her voice breathy as she sang the chorus

Meet me in the city baby

Meet me in the city baby.

Am I not the one you're dreaming of my angel?

Am I not the one you wanna love forever?

Sara stopped and opened her eyes and smiled at Ben. Who smiled back and pressed the mic

that connected them to the booth. "You fucking killed it Sara! I love the voice at the end. You put so much emotion to it."

"Why thank you Ben." He was a great guy. They had so many things in common. His wife was the greatest as well. She had them over for dinner many times. As she came back into the room she saw he was messing the buttons(she didn't know what anything did. Despite Ben and Harry teaching her.)

"So how's everything? Anything exciting?"

Ben cursed as he hit the wrong button.

Sara laughed and sat on the couch behind him. "Things are going good." She hesitated. "I'm seeing someone." Ben turned around to face her "Really? Anyone I know?"

"Justin Herbert." He looked at her. "He's the quarterback for the Los Angeles Chargers."

"Ah. Sports?" She rolled her eyes. "The football team." He laughed. "Now you know damn well if it isn't baseball I don't give a shit."

She laughed. "You're right, I should have known."

,"is it a new thing?" She nodded. "Three months. But Ben he is amazing, it's like it's been years. It's crazy, because we are total opposites but the same as. I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert. He hates the media and attention, it's pretty much my job. I'm short, he's tall. But I'm crazy about him in every way."

"Does he feel the same?" She stopped." He does, but he has a hard time showing it. He's not the most romantic guy, but he's trying."

Ben nodded. "What?"

He sighed. "I'm not saying every guy I'd the same. But when I met my wife I didn't have to try. Now granted you said he's an introvert, but I hope it's because of that. Sara, you're like a sister to me and I don't want to see you get hurt again."

It was almost the exact same thing Bella said to her. Which pisse her off. "It's different, I met his family. Trust me if you meet him you will see what I am seeing."

"What do you mean if?"

"Well he is not really into the whole family and celebrity thing. So I don't know if he would be comfortable meeting my friends."

“This is someone you want to be in a relationship with?" That shut her up, and Ben knew he pushed a bit too far. "Listen."

"Let's just finish the recordings" She got up. "I have to use the bathroom" and she walked out.

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"Atta boy Herbo!!" Justin turned around, following the voice towards his Offensive Lineman who was cheering, soon the whole locker room was yelling.

"What's going on?" Justin was confused, did he have a good practice, was it some milestone he hit?

"My boy made some lady very happy!" Mike hollered! Justin was still confused. "You don't see your back? Or more importantly feel it?"

"My man Herbo don't feel nothing! He got that dog in him!" The whole locker room laughed. Justin went to the mirror and turned around.

Holy shit

There were scratches everywhere. From Sara's nails that were done when she was doing promo. He didn't even realize she was scratching that hard. Well, he did keep telling her to go harder. Whoops

"Ayo! Who's the lucky girl? You still hitting Bisciotti?"

He would never be able to escape that name. "No, actually my girlfriend did this."

Mike stopped. "Herb, you mean?" Justin nodded his head and smiled. Mike almost tackled him. "AYO Man!!! I'm happy for you! Look at you getting your head out of your ass!!! Sara is a great girl!!!"

"Wait Sara? That's her name?" Ekeler was invested as well now. He noticed his teammate was silent. "Come on man! This is huge our little man is growing up" he stood up to ruffle Justin's hair.

"Wait, you met Sara?"

Mike laughed. "Well we met her in July when we went to Joe's wedding. Really cool, too cool for Herb. I don't know what she sees in him."

Justin blushed. Not liking all of this attention on him and the relationship. "Come on guys, shut up." It came out weak and the group laughed even louder.

"You gotta let us meet her man! This is huge!" Sebastian swung his arm around Justin

"I don't know yet guys. It's too soon."

Just shoved off Sebastian's arm and headed towards the showers. Making sure to keep a good time for the team to get on the plane."

Ekeler looked towards the group. "Did you see how red he got? My man's in love "

After the shower the guys got their stuff ready. Justin sent a quick text to Sara.

J: Getting ready to board plane. Miss you already."

S: miss you . Get the W for me.

J: look at you speaking like a true football fan.

S: learned from the best. Also I'll be watching in your jersey…. And nothing else. Want a picture for good luck?

Justin groaned. This girl was going to kill him

J: only if we win. And I don't throw an interception.

S: I'll blow you if you don't throw one. What am I saying. I'll blow you either way.

"Hey Herb what's with the pink face? Talking to ya girl." Bash came out of nowhere and looked over Justin's shoulder. "AYE AYE My man's getting laid Sunday night!"

"Fuck off" Justin's phoned dinged and he looked at it. It was a selfie of her blowing a kiss to him. Bash gasped.

"Get the fuck out." Justin tried to silence him but it was too late. "Dawg your girl is Sara Wozniak!" Grabbing the attention of the other players, who turned towards Justin. "Ayeee Herbos girl is Sara Wozniak"

Murmurs of "atta boy Herb" and "holy shit" came about. Bosa came over. "Sara Wozniak! Her show is my favorite! I binged the first two seasons in Quarantine."

Justin's face was really pink now. "We met at Joe's wedding, and hit it off."

Bosa shook his head. "That fucker, I didn't get an invite. I got to give him shit for that later."

Before the conversation could continue Staley called them over to discuss some things before takeoff. Justin was in deep thought. Was he ready for Sara to meet all of these guys? Was it going too fast?

Then it occurred to him. He had a football game to win. This should be the furthest on his mind. He turned on his laptop and began to watch game highlights from the Texans games.

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Was it a bit early to start drinking? It probably was but Sara didn't care. After the studio Ben invited her to a local western bar with him and his wife for some drinks. It was 1pm, so not too bad. While Ben and Sasha sipped on their beets she enjoyed a spiked blueberry lemonade.

"Hey listen, I'm sorry for making all these assumptions about this Justin guy. I should trust your judgment about it. He seems great." Ben smiled and Sara could tell that while he was sorry, there was some truth about his previous statements. "I know you guys are looking out for me and I appreciate it. But trust me it's been good so far. We got off to a rough start, but it seems that he is a better person. He's just stressed about the injury and the pressure of the team doing well."

Ben nodded. "Remember if he doesn't treat you right I'm a phone call away to beat his ass. I could too."

Sasha laughed. "Babe, he's 6'6 and you're barely 6'2 I don't know about that." Sara joined in " actually I don't know if he's a fighter so you might have an advantage there Ben."

Halfway through their lunch Sara's phone began to ring, she excused herself when she saw Timothe's name.

"Hello Timmy!"

"Sara, my favorite girl, how are you?" She heard the smile on his face. He was always happy.

"I'm great, for what do I owe this phone call for?"

"I need you to do a huge favor and attend Virgil's birthday party as my date."

Every year since Virgil Abloh's death. A party was held on his birthday. He loved parties and he made his friends promise they would continue to celebrate his life. It was a big event that was held at a mansion. The best food, alcohol, and music. All of the celebs would be there."

Sara laughed. "You know damn well I wouldn't let you go to that party alone. Timmy. I will see you Saturday night."

After plans had been made she returned to her lunch.

Her phone buzzed again. It was Justin.

J: She lit a fire and now she's in my every thought.

Sara smiled. So he saw her story. He started following her a few days ago and began replying to all of her stories. Some funny replies and liked a couple photos. He joked that she should take down all of her thirst traps. There was a little back and forth but eventually they came down. She didn't care, everything was going great.

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"Virgil Forever!!"

Her and Timothee screamed in the elaborate photo booth as it snapped photos. It was Saturday night, and the party for the late Virgil was in full swing as her and Timothee arrived late (her makeup artist couldn't get a lash to stick, and her black curve hugging dress designed for her by Virgil was impossible to find in her closet.) She and Tim arrived to a sea of paparazzi outside the mansion. No doubt the rumor mill was going to be running wild.

Sara had been dogging the questioning that Timmy had given her at her house when he walked into her closet and saw men's clothing. (Sara had stolen a little bit of Justin's shirts and sweatshirts) She had simply told him that she purchased them and they were clothes to relax around the house. He didn't believe that one bit but he left it alone until they were in the car.

"So you are seeing someone?" Sara shrugged. "I've been on a few dates with some dudes. All douchebags."

"So you steal their clothes?"

"Well some I bought others I took after a hookup."

The subject was dropped when they arrived. Drinks were poured, appetizers were served and photos were taken. She took photos with Naomi Campbell, among others. She had hit the dance floor after a few. Her heels were killing her, and so Timothee had to hold them while she switched into a pair of flats.

She was wobbling around looking for the restrooms. She went outside to catch some air. Coming across a few strangers she asked if they had a cigarette on them. Sara liked to indulge in one when she was drinking or stressed. She hadn't told Justin about her secret. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Unfortunately her cover was blown when he FaceTimed her. She wasn't thinking, and she picked up with the white stick in her mouth. "Heey baby." She slurred.

His eyes narrowed. "What is in your mouth?" His tone was angry. Well fuck

She took it out of her mouth and blew out the smoke. "A cig, they hit the spot when drinking."

"Take that shit out your mouth." She giggled. "Make me. You're not here so I have to have something in my mouth."

Justin growled. "God you are so fucking dirty. I need to teach you a lesson when I get home. How many puffs did you take?"

She thought for a minute. "Probably like nine so far." She took another one. "That makes ten." Justin smirked. "What?"

"Just counting the ass spankings." She moaned. "Fuck you Justin Patrick!"

"Huh?"

"You always do this shit to me when youre not here! Leaving me a fucking mess that you can't satisfy."

Justin laughed. "But don't I always make up for it?"

"I guess."

"Good girl. Now please do not ever let me catch you smoking again. It's an awful habit. And also please go home. I don't like you being drunk when I'm not around."

She wanted to push further. "You don't trust me?"

"I don't trust anyone around you."

"Well you're lucky I'm over this party and I need to prepare for the awful hangover tomorrow." He laughed.

He stayed on the phone with her the entire time she said goodbye to friends, and in the car ride to her place. (Which sucked when she realized most of her shit was at his house.) They hung up and she only had the energy to wash her face and strip naked from the curve hugging dress.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------*----

Sara was never drinking again.

It was a fucking miracle how she managed to pull herself together after last night. Well she had woken up to Heidi bitching her out after a clip of her singing the Jeffrey Dahmer line from the controversial song went viral. Big deal everyone else was. Heidi wrote up a apology to put outon her Twitter, even though the consensus among the people was that is was stupid to get mad at that. Everyone at that party was singing it as well.After throwing up a few times she put on her comfy shorts and an oversized t-shirt, skipping the makeup and the contacts she went over to Joe and Alisha's house to watch the game.It was off to a good start, Justin and the team looked good, well let's face it she was only focused on Justin the entire time.

At one point Joe got up to take a phone call and they showed a close up of number 97 on the field. Alisha sighed dreamily. "Bosa is so damn fine." Sara turned her head slowly to avoid dizziness. "Bosa?”

Alisha took a sip of her water. "Joey Bosa. Sweet man, he's huge. He weighs almost 300 lbs."

"Jesus." Sara muttered. "Imagine all that weight on you." Alisha choked and began to cough laughing. "Is it bad that I imagined it as well?"

Both girls were giggling as Joe side eyed them as he came back into the room "What's funny?"

"Sara was ogling Bosa. " his wife stated. "You bitch. I wasnt" Joe groaned

"Not you too. You already have Herb." Sara smiled. "Nothing wrong with looking."

"Speaking of Herb, I spoke with Ann-Sophie. He is treating you right? Cause I'll kick his ass." It was Sara's turn to groan. Fucking big mouth. Also what is with the guys wanting to fight Justin? Especially when they weren't even close to his size.

"First off, you are 5'10 and are not cracking 200 lbs. Second, everything is okay now. It was rough but we are official."

Joe sighed. "Listen, Herb is a good guy, he's just not used to living our lifestyle and I think he gets overwhelmed and doesn't know how to handle his feelings. He is football, football, football. He's had flings before but that's it." At the mention of flings Sara was curious. "What flings?"

"He hasn't told you anything?" Sara shook her head no. "Aww fuck, I shouldn't be saying anything. It's not my business."

"He won't open up to me about that, and to be fair I haven't said anything either. I swear I won't say anything." Joe paused. "You swear you won't mention anything?"

Sara shook her head yes

"Last I heard, he was sorta seeing a reporter for the NFL network. Can't recall her name, however it's not too much of a secret but they were trying to keep it on the down low. Could ruin her reputation. However they broke it off last season. She was traveling all over the place. Herb isn't into that. He's a hermit."

She snorted. "You're telling me, we've only been to Jerry's once. Not that I mind, but he's definitely a recluse." Joe laughed. Sara paused, unsure of how to ask the next question. "Do you think he would be seeing both of us at the same time?"

Joe didn't hesitate. "Nah, Justin wouldn't o

Do that to you. He's a good dude from a good family. What makes you think that?"

She didn't want to blow her cover of already knowing about Taylor. "I don't know. I guess since you've known him the longest you would know what he is like."

"Again He's a good dude. Just be patient with him, he's not used to a relationship."

The conversation was interrupted by the Texans scoring and making it a close game. "WHAT THE FUCK! IM SORRY LOMBARDI NEEDS TO GO!"

Alisha rolled her eyes. "Sara, do you want to come help me get some food out?" She nodded and followed her to the kitchen."

As she got out the microwavable snacks she stated to Sara. "You knew about the reporter didn't you?"

Sara tried to look surprised. "Wait what? What makes you think that?"

Alisha smiled. " a woman always knows. We are always one step ahead. You'd think these men would understand that by now."

"When he got injured, I spent a few nights at his house. While he was out, she sent him a bear with an edible arrangement. It was signed 'your TayBae.' That's not someone who thinks the relationship cooled down. Then there were posts on Tumblr saying he picked her up from the airport over the summer. Which would have been right before he met me." She sighed. " I don't want to say anything, cause that would make me hypocrite with Harry but it's eating me up."

"Sara you can't do that. It wouldn't make you a hypocrite. Your relationship with Harry was long over before Justin came into the picture." She pondered over that.

"The only solace is that everytime he has been in LA I've been with him, the exception being when I was in New York."

"Well I'm not trying to sound like Joe, but if he asked you to be his girlfriend, he would have ended it. He isn't like that."

Sara believed it. "Okay"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We doing a victory Brisket at Herb's house? Justin looked up from his tablet to see the whole team smiling at him. "I don't know man. My ribs hurt and we should rest."

"You are so full of shit. I heard you ask the doc for an injection after the game." Bash began laughing. "Oh I get it Herb you in for a long night ehh. Atta boy!" The plane began laughing while Justin flushed red. He had a nice night planned with Sara, one that didn't involve the team."

"That's none of your business." Was all he could say and it sent the boys laughing harder. Mike jumped in. "Ayyee gathering at Herbs tomorrow who's in?"

The usual group chimed in that they would be there. He heard a new voice. "I'm in." He looked over and saw Bosa staring at the group. "I've been wanting to try this famous Brisket you all rave about. "Justin thought nothing of it. Although it was weird that he was joining them.

It was whatever, he just wanted to go home to Sara. He had some plans.

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Justin woke up. He felt refreshed.

Except he wasn't on the team plane, he wasn't even on the damn bus.

He was in bed. His bed. He looked around, seeing the usual. Nothing seemed different, until he looked at the photos on the wall. Which was weird, cause he didn't have photos in his bed.

There was one of his family, and one of him and Sara. He felt something on his finger and he looked. It was a shiny silver band. He held up his hand and inspected it.

"Hi baby!" He looked up to see Sara enter the room. Her stomach looked a little swollen. "Your kid is really active today."

Before he could respond he woke up. He was gasping for breath. He was back on the plane. No one was paying attention. He rested his head and took a deep breath.

That was weird. That meant nothing

Right?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How are your ribs?"

Justin let out a heavy gasp as Sara moaned. "You're seriously ughhhhh oh god baby asking me about my ribs?" He let out another moan as Sara rolled her hips "Fuck baby don't stop."

He was sitting on the bed feet down while Sara was riding him. As soon as he came through the door they were all over each other. Justin had shown her why it wasn't a good idea for him to shave his facial hair. (She had teased him before about shaving, she might have to rethink that)

She moaned as Justin started to suck and bite at her nipples. Once he discovered it as her weakness there was no going back. "God I love your tits." He took them both in his hands and squished his face in between them. "Mine, no one else gets to see these." Sara rolled her eyes. She had mentioned to him that she had a couple roles she had to turn down because they wanted full frontal nudity. She was okay with bras and sex scenes, even the illusion she was nude but that was it. She didn't expect Justin to be so possessive. It was fucking hot to be honest.

"Oh god babe I'm gonna cum!" Sara moaned as she came, him throwing his head back as she felt him release in her. They both collapsed on the bed. Trying to catch their breaths. Sara looked over at Justin and smiled, him returning the expression. "Sooo tomorrow.." He trailed off as she began tracing his chest. "Some of the guys are coming over tomorrow for a victory Brisket. I have to order a bunch of groceries."

"We can go shopping tomorrow. I can make some cookies or something." She couldn't hide the excitement in her voice as she thought about meeting his teammates.

"Naw I think we should just get delivery, it will be easier and you know…." He didn't finish the sentence. She already knew where it was going. He didn't want to draw attention, she exhaled. "I know you're right." She got up to use the bathroom and she heard Justin get up and follow her. She decided to take a bath, she was surprised to see all the bath stuff he bought.

Sara lit some candles and started the water. Looking for the bubble solution, she dumped a hefty amount. As she was doing this she felt his eyes on her. "I'm sorry." He said

"For what?" She submerged herself, moaning as the warm water hit all the Sore muscles.

"One day I'll be comfortable with being on camera and photographed. It's just intimidating. The fame, I guess it's just people prying into my life I don't like."

She nodded "I understand, trust me it's a lot. Everyone knows almost everything about you but honestly it silences people. I used to be like that. Closed off, but I feel like it gives people ammo to talk crap, to fill the narrative with what they want. I'm not saying life has to be an open book, but people can make things up." He smiled. "I guess. Can I join you?"

"You don't have to ask." He slipped in and rested his head against her shoulder as she laid kisses on his neck. "Are you trying to go for round two?" She laughed. "I mean," her hand slipped down and began to trace his abs. "I wouldn't be opposed. But you gotta be careful. I don't need LA coming after me because I put you out for the season." He snorted. "Die by fucking you is a dream."

She laughed and continued rubbing his chest, avoiding the mid section. Justin sighed. "Please don't stop."

And she didn't, and they did go for round two."

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"Alright guys. Practice and media tomorrow. I think we all know the keys to beating the browns next week." Staley turned off the projector and the guys got up. They had a workout, followed by some video review of next week's opponent. It was noon, and Justin had told the guys that were coming over to be at his home around three. He and Sara had delivered a bunch of groceries and she was running around making sure they had enough food prepared. She had texted him pictures of the salads she made as well as drinks. It was a lot, but some guys would be able to take home leftovers as well. Sara had Italian roots, she told him as such there was no such thing as too much food.

Justin got home, showered and saw that Sara was dressed and ready. "Do you need my help with anything?" She shook her head no "you can start grilling whenever you want." He gave her a kiss and started seasoning the meat and got everything ready. Before they knew it it was 3 and some people started arriving. Once the fawning over who she was stopped everyone began relaxing.

Sara noticed Justin's demeanor was different. When he introduced her he just introduced her as 'Sara' no 'my girlfriend' or anything. She tried to not let it get to her. But he kept giving her one word answers and seemed to act like a friend would. She took a deep breath as she refilled her water. 'That's just how he is. ' she thought

'"Hi you must be Sara." A voice broke her from her thoughts. "Yes hi -"

In front of her was a very big, tall man. He looked like he could be straight out of Game of thrones. Joey Bosa. She smiled, “Why yes I am, you must be Bosa.” He raised his eyebrows. “Look at you using my last name, you must have been watching me a lot on the field.” He held out a cake. “I am not a baker, so I just stopped at a bakery, I am Italian, so we never go to anyone’s house empty handed.” She took it, it was a chocolate bundt from Nothing Bundt Cakes “Oh my favorite, also Bosa, I knew that was Italian. I am as well.”

“Really? Wozniak isn’t Italian.”

“My mom’s side is Italian, her maiden name is Ricci.” Joey let out an ahhh .

Truth be told Joey had been there for quite some time, he had come in through the backyard and greeted the guys. He had noticed Justin failed to mention that there was even a woman in the home, let alone his girlfriend. Mike had been filling him in all about this new relationship. Joey knew that his QB could be a douche when it came to girls. Justin was oblivious to Taylor wanting to be more than a hookup, Hannah from the Bachelor wanting to take their relationship public and he ended up dumping her. However, Sara Wozniak was not someone to play with. Call him fan crazed, but he always liked her movies, when he would catch interviews she seemed like a cool person. So far he was right, she was easy to talk to, and the fact that she went out of her way to throw together this shindig for hungry football players? Sara was a dream.

He was awestruck by her beauty, especially seeing her up close. Once he knew all the guys were outside, he made the excuse of putting the cake on the counter. Which led him here, paying more attention to the brunette beauty more than her own boyfriend.

Speaking of Herb he interrupted the conversation when he opened the sliding door to announce the food is ready. As everybody began to fill up their plates Joey noticed that Justin sat by the team at the dining room table and began discussing plays, leaving Sara to sit by herself at the island. Once he got his plate he put it next to Sara, she looked up and smiled at him and he smiled back. His heart skipped a beat.

He wasn’t the guy to move on his buddy’s girl, but if Justin couldn’t see what was in front of him, maybe she would start looking in a different direction, and he would be right in her line of sight.

A/N Hey guys, I apologize, I feel like this is a weak chapter on my end. I am just on a high after an amazing week 4. But Yes All I am going to say about Bosa is... It be your own sometimes *devil emoji*

Feel free to ask any questions, comment, show concern, my ask box is always open

#justin herbert #nfl imagine #justin herbert imagine #alexa writes collide #sara and justin canon

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jicklet · 3 years ago

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Rewatching The Hunger Games movie for the first time since I saw it in theaters! Let’s go.

Literally the only thing I remembered about this movie was that the beginning was a different style than the rest, but I forgot it was because of enough shaky cam to make me motion sick. I am so glad that did not continue through the whole thing.

The world starting to gain color after they left the district did give it a sort of “Dorothy stepping into Oz” feeling, I can dig that

It’s really making it clear just how much of the book takes place in Katniss’s head, now that we aren’t hearing her thoughts.

like I think JLaw is actually doing a decent Katniss, it’s just that Katniss is such an internal person who gives off awkward hostile energy inversely proportional to how many people are around, which doesn’t make for the best film protagonist

speaking of energy, intrigued by whatever strange vibe Haymitch and Effie got going on. like uhh are they fucking or what

I am sad at the lack of Madge, because her part of the story is a big chunk of the theme of generations, but I grudgingly recognize this is the sort of thing that gets lost in a film adaption

and I do like the pin being a tie back to Prim, and then an early piece of rebellion from Cinna with it being not officially approved but snuck onto her outfit.

Aha. Things really picked up on the no-katniss-narration-to-guide-things front when it got into the arena, and they’re able to explain what’s going on by cutting back and forth between the gamemakers room and Haymitch doing sponsor things. Both of which are honestly fun to see.

It’s done to varied success here, but I do love seeing filmmaking attempts to show messed up emotional/mind states, and they clearly had fun trying different ways of doing that during the bloodbath and the tracker jacker sequences

something about the relationship between Seneca Crane and Snow is darkly hilarious:

“Everyone likes an underdog! :D ” “I don’t.” “ :( ”

Already showing 11 rebelling in reaction to Rue’s death is...a choice.

But then if we’re going to be showing the world outside the arena, it does follow that there’s gotta be something to show just how transgressive what Katniss did was.

Okay most of the changes that are actually bothering me are coming in at the ending

I’m guessing they fixed Peeta’s leg so completely bc they didn’t know how to make the chase exciting if he’s limping along, but. eghhh

(Peeta at the end of the book is like, he’s coming out of this with a boatload of trauma and he even lost a leg to this but at least he’s got Katniss! oh wait she maybe didn’t love him after all. this feels so less weighty)

Aw man I am cranky about the generic mutts. The horror of the tribute-mutts was SO evocative and really drives home the point that all of them are the Capital’s to play with (Did they really use their eyes? probably not but you don’t doubt it’s possible)

Instead they gave the moment to Cato with his little hope lost speech as a shortcut, which. hnn...fiiiiine.

nitpick but Katniss saying ‘trust me’ as she gave Peeta the berries bothered me bc it inferred Katniss knew how it would work out, when the irony is she started this rebellion on complete accident

😢 ok the little detail of Peeta reaching out to touch Katniss’s braid as his (as far as he knows) last act undid me. PEETA. ;-;

Hnn skipping over all the post-game recovery really undercuts the horrors of it all.

Seneca Crane in the room with the nightlock is SO good though.

god ceaser’s teeth are so unsettling.

does. does peeta not get a crown lmao poor guy

goodness that was a really quick ending!

Hmmmm okay whereas the end of the book is like, “I went through all of this but now it’s over (with strong hints that it’s not going to be that simple)”, the end of the movie is like “we are not even out of the arena before we realize that actually you're still fucked.” Like it is really focused on setting up the sequel and they almost forgot to give this film an actual ending.

You can’t stomp on the horror of the hunger games and how nobody wins it, even the “victor(s)”, that’s the whole point! bah.

I’ll say, 3/5. Can understand why they made changes they did, even as it frustrates me that they’re undercutting the message. [throws up my hands and reminds myself “it’s a movie, it’s hollywood, what’re you gonna do”] Overall, I enjoyed it for what it was. i still have a headache from crying over Rue, goodnight.

#v watches #v watches the hunger games #hunger games #the hunger games #I remembered literally nothing about this movie it's bizarre #I may as well have not watched it but i know i did

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incorrectbatbquotes · 2 years ago

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hi i’m sylvie your favorite admin in the world and i’ve been hyperfixated on batb (1991) since I was 14 so here’s my definitive (mostly spoiler free) review of every book based in the universe of batb (1991)

1. As Old As Time (alternate universe)

Like a 6.7/10. The characters were well written and I liked the imagery. Felt very reminiscent of the musical adaptation which I liked. A lot of characters to keep track of though and I don’t love the uh. “subtext”. somebody else in the fandom mentioned their issues with it and i don’t remember who it was but yeah that. I liked it but the flaws unfortunately bring it down a few notches. still a decently interesting read. mrs potts was such a fascinating character in this I really loved how braswell wrote her. sadly no name for the beast this time but that gets addressed at one point so??

PROS

It’s a neat concept

The writing is really good

Pretty and spooky imagery

The characters are well written especially Mrs Potts (beatrice my beloved)

had some genuinely dark moments that fit surprisingly well

CONS

weird subtext iykyk

too many characters. so many names

some scenes happen really fast and move on with no explanation or callback to it

2. Belle Takes Flight (sequel)

2.1/10. Its meant for a younger audience but theres really good books for younger audiences and this aint one. I liked that it kinda centered around belle’s friendship with lumi and cogs bc its a fun dynamic but the boys come off as incredibly useless and bumbling the entire time especially when theres high stakes? like are they idiots? yes (lovingly) but oh my god it was rough like you could take them out of the plot and it would still make sense. on that note i subtracted 50% of the rating right off the bat bc this book fatshamed cogs every chance it could. the dialect felt very on par with the movie which was nice but the messy plot, inconsistencies, unlikable new characters, and like the constant reminder that cogs is plus sized really almost made me dnf. also the prince still has no name. read anything else on this list unless youre that content starved like i am actively begging

PROS

the way they talked was very on par with the movie? at least the main trio. they said mrs potts was irish?? h u h?

belle and her dads-in-law(s?) goin on an adventure is such a fun concept and again i like getting to explore their dynamic when not in a “please fall in love with our son-figure boss so we can have hands again” type situation

i liked elise. i thought she was cute.

CONS

bad decisions made by the characters and by the author simultaneously

the new characters were poorly written and had the capability of being really interesting (i was hoping granny was like a mechanical engineer or something before she got introduced. like cogs breaks his leg and elise is like “oh granny t will fix him” and my immediate thought bc of the phrase “fix” was like. steampunky prothetic leg omg so cool and she’s gonna help belle fix the hot air balloon but nah)

belle is the only one out of the three who contributes anything to the story which like yeah ofc but you could switch which servants were there and nothing would change

in case you forgot how cogsworth looks as a human, worry not! because this book will remind you. at every opportunity. like two times in one paragraph on page 4 type opportunity. I physically winced. if all your development for this character boils down to “he’s fat and he’s short and did I mention he’s fat” like. you lost me so fast babe.

3. Rebel Rose (sequel)

8.5/10. If Rebel Rose has 100 fans, i’m one. If Rebel Rose has 10 fans, i’m one. if Rebel Rose has 1 fan, it’s me. If Rebel Rose has 0 fans, it’s bc i died. clearly meant for an older audience but still kept the charm of the film. loved the dynamics between the characters and making the servants feel more realistic while still keeping their personalities and quirks of their animated counterparts. also gave the beast a name thats NOT adam so bonus points. lgbtq rep thats done well too so ANOTHER bonus point. pls emma give me a sequel i’m on my hands and knees

PROS

bro i could go ON

mature but not too mature yk?

I already said everything i need to say this book slaps

CONS

I dont give any books about monarchy and government type stuff a 10/10 because there’s always some issues with that. a book set during the French Revolution will have its faults regarding that but its not the focus of the book

4. The Beast Within (prequel/alternate universe)

4.5/10. this one is. weird? like I genuinely dont know how to explain it? the writing is nice, i like how creepy the witches looked physically, and it’s a better ya batb book than BTF but those the only good thing I can think to say about it? all the characters were flat and the PACING IS SO BIZARRE? like I genuinely thought there was a point where my archive.org borrow time ran out and the pdf stopped working but nope the pacing is just so genuinely bizarre. I don’t love the involvement with Gaston, it felt super forced. apparently this book is part of an expanded universe bc ursula from the little mermaid was mentioned??? i have so many questions that I won’t get answers to. i want to dislike it but i’m just so confused. like i might just make a separate post of how much this one confused me but I cant give it a lower rating than BTF because that one just made me mad. i think the fact that i had the coraline soundtrack on in the background might’ve convinced me it was better than it was bc it was good atmosphere music. read coraline instead of this idk it’s almost 4 am.

PROS

it was better than Belle Takes Flight

I like the Prince’s inner monologues. the writing was charming at times and had moments where it was really pretty

the coraline soundtrack makes it better

the moving statues were a cool element i wished we got more of that

the curse slowly taking effect is an element from the musical i love so it was nice seeing that used in another version

CONS

really weird pacing. like we go from the servants turning to objects to IMMEDIATELY belle getting attacked by wolves

the witch sisters were weird inclusions. like at first i liked the concept and their physical descriptions are freaky and cool but after a while i got confused? this whole book confused me but maybe i’m too old at my cant-rent-a-car-in-america age.

I’m really hoping most of my confusion was bc this was out of order in a series and I didn’t know it bc why was ursula there?

the prince (who still has no name) goes from being a massive jerk to talking about how much of a family he views the servants as and i think this was supposed to show how him slowly turning into a beast was messing with his head but it didn’t come off that way (the closest things you had to a mom and dad go missing and you dont go looking for them??? like you just tell everyone else to? when you were JUST talking about how much you care about them? “where’s my not-dad go find him” AND YOU DONT SEE THAT MAN FOR MONTHS???

i dont like gaston’s inclusion. i feel like his childhood bff being another snobby rich nobility boy wouldve been better.

it starts too late for a prequel. we never get explanations for where his parents are, why he’s the way he is, etc. like the story starts just a few weeks before the night he got cursed.

a lot of things happen and dont get explained or things happen offpage and is only spoken about in reference. (gaston murders a court painter bc beasty boy told him to? beast’s fiance’s mom kills herself? ursula fucking kidnaps his fiance? the entire part where he meets belle?)

IN CONCLUSION

Stan Rebel Rose

Enjoy but be critical of As Old As Time

Acknowledge that The Beast Within exists but don’t hope for consistency

Stare angrily at Belle Takes Flight and find better books for 13 year olds. I’ll make a list and everything if you want and i’m 7+ years out of the intended audience

(also regardless of my opinions, i send all my respect to each of the authors responsible. writing is hard, writing for the mouse™️ is probably harder. there were things I enjoyed in all of these, even if I didn’t love the book overall. i’m an actor and a costume designer, not a writer. dont take the opinions of some internet neurodivergent as gospel yall)

#not quotes #beauty and the beast #batb #no bc i just finished TBW and i’m still reeling bc wtf was that

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bridgertonbabe · 3 years ago

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For the Harry x Ginny reblog, I think part of it was the actors having practically grown up with each other & viewing each other as siblings. But the biggest factor was definitely the director who has always been open about the fact that he doesn't understand why Harry & Hermione didn't end up together. Which still baffles me today, because how could you let a director be in charge of four movies if said director doesn't understand the characters nor why the characters act the way they do? I'm not gonna go into a rant about this because I need to finish typing up the post about Princess Francesca & Princess Hyacinth but yeah, the movies f*cked up the trio's friendship already from the first movie & Yates f*cked up Harry & Ginny's relationship because he shipped Harry with Hermione & viewed Ron as purely comic relief

#JusticeForGinny #JusticeForRon #MyInner12YearOldIsReallyShowingRightNow

Honestly I assumed that since Daniel and Bonnie practically grew up together it would have been weird for them to do romantic scenes, and Emma and Rupert said the same thing when it came to filming their big kiss (and while we're on the subject I also wanted way more Ron and Hermione scenes than what we got), but you're totally right, if there had been better direction I'm sure they could have squeezed something decent out of them and given the audience something that at least resembled Harry and Ginny's relationship from the books. It's funny because it wasn't until you mentioned that Yates had preferred Harry and Hermione together that I remembered reading about it (I must have repressed it out of annoyance lol). I think it should be mandatory that any director adapting a book series to film or TV should have at the very least read the source material, have a complete understanding of its characters, and dedicate themselves to delivering the most faithful adaptation possible. It's only over the years that I've realised that the reason why I don't rewatch the last four films as often as the others is because of the direction it's taken especially with how the characters are portrayed. From OOTP onwards I felt like they had made Hermione a joint protagonist with Harry and oh, Ron's there too. I used to wonder if they wanted to take full advantage of Emma's talent and put her as front and centre as possible while Rupert wasn't as up to scratch as the others acting-wise, but having seen a number of Rupert's projects I realised there was no issue with his acting and that Ron's diminished role of comedic relief was all down to Yates' own preferences. I wonder what might have been had there been a different director/s at the helm for the last four films but alas, I guess we'll never know.

#asks #saga: might i offer you a small rant?#me: and may i offer you a rant in turn built off of the the rant you have just provided me with?#harry potter #my ramblings

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 4 years ago

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Have you ever gone into the full list of reasons why the show failed as bad as it did?

I’m not sure, but I can give it a shot.

Short answer: The show doesn’t have enough budget for a live-action sci fi epic that requires exotic animals and several wildly inhuman aliens. Its attempts to get around the budget constraints are often not ideal.

Long answer:

Far and away the biggest problem is the limited budget, but there’s a second almost-as-large problem with the showrunners not knowing how to work within a limited budget to create an action-adventure show.

As an example, AniTV episode “The Forgotten” (S1E13) adapts the Rachel-gets-amnesia plot line from Megamorphs 1. It has approximately similar beats – Rachel hits her head in bird morph, demorphs partway while still concussed, wanders around the woods for a while with no idea who or what she is, encounters an ex-host who mistakes her for a controller, and eventually gets found by her friends — but on a severely limited budget that precludes grizzly bears or sentient tornadoes.

However, the way that the show conveys the tension of Rachel being lost in the woods is to have her... run and then trip over a tree root. And then to play the footage of her falling on her butt in slow motion with dramatic percussion music. And then she gets up, runs some more, and trips over a different tree root. This doesn’t appear to be a way of conveying that she’s going in circles (although she is, judging by the way they keep filming the same stretch of woods from different angles) or that she’s dizzy from the concussion. It appears to be a way to try and get tension and excitement out of a character being lost in the woods.

Eventually Rachel stumbles on Fran (the ex-host who lives in the woods) and has a whole debate with Fran about whether either one of them is a controller. The scene has a decent degree of tension, as all they have to do to amp up the creepiness factor is have Fran wave around a yeerk in a jar and rant about a conspiracy that sounds crazy to Rachel but scary to the audiencey. This scene works. Draw this scene out.

Only pretty soon Rachel breaks out of Fran’s house and is back to... running through the woods and tripping over roots. Again.

After several other close encounters with inconveniently-placed tree parts, Rachel then stumbles onto a camp of helpful volunteers — yay, she’s saved! The dramatic irony immediately kicks back in when the audience realizes that the volunteers are from The Sharing., But Rachel herself has no idea that she shouldn’t let that nice man put that thermometer in her ear. Again, the scene works and it’s relatively low-budget — it requires six or seven extras, a handful of inexpensive props, and dramatic percussion music to let us know something bad is happening.

But wait, Jake and Marco are here! Crouching behind a tree, in clear view of every single one of the controllers, because we can see them in the same camera angle. Nonetheless, Jake and Marco save the day by... turning into dogs and barking, which causes all the controllers to leave, which means they can go get Rachel because the controllers just left her there.

So there are two interlinked problems, as I said: the limited budget, and the show runners’ inability to work within a limited budget.

The limited budget is part of the reason that Rachel has to spend so much time alone. They can’t afford to have a lot of extras or props, so they can’t afford to do a scene with her running onto the highway or one with her breaking into an abandoned house. Much less have her turn into an elephant and get hit by a truck. However, there are more interesting ways to get across that she’s lost and confused that don’t rely on — dun dun dun duuunn — tree roots! Have her repeatedly attempt to morph partway, only to get grossed out and stop. Have her attempt to converse with a real bird because she was herself a bird when she woke up. Let her figure out she’s walking in circles. There are possibilities.

Same principle applies to Rachel’s actual crash. She doesn’t get mobbed by jays in an eagle morph, because no way that’d fit into the budget; she just turns into a hawk identical to the one that plays Tobias and then... flies straight into a tree. The budget’s the reason there can’t be jays, but surely there was a better way to have her hurt than for her to just smash into a tree for no reason. (Maybe all those roots from the rest of the episode are the trees’ revenge?) Have her lose control of the morph because it’s new. Have her be in a rush because she needs to get to gymnastics camp. Have her get knocked off-course by sudden wind. Find a way to explain the scene better using voiceover, even if the footage itself is necessarily limited.

Fran is cool. Keep her on screen for longer, even if you can’t afford to burn her house down.

Same goes for the Sharing controllers. “Aliens mimic humans” is the oldest sci fi movie trick in the book, for a reason. All you have to do to convey that the human-controllers are scary enemies is to pay your actors to act like aliens. What do aliens act like? Whatever the hell you want, as long as it gets the point across. Heck, if you need to save money on extras, have Tom be the one who finds Rachel. It works in-universe: “I’m your cousin, so you can trust me!” It’d use a guest star who’s already trained in the part. It’d amp up the dramatic irony because the audience already knows he’s not trustworthy. Heck, let Christopher Ralph play a controller in a giant red wig and glasses while you’re at it — goodness knows he’s wasted on providing voiceover for hawk footage the whole time. But either way, let that scene play out for longer.

And for love of Toomin let Jake and Marco be better at hiding. Half the episodes of the show have scenes with these two crouched partway behind waist-high and/or foot-thick barriers with large parts of their body clearly visible, watching controllers who stand less than five feet away and somehow don’t notice them. I understand that you can’t have them morph most of the time, but work with what you’ve got a little better than that. It cannot cost all that much money to have a sequence where a controller looks over suddenly, only to have the camera angle show us that nothing of Jake’s and Marco’s position is visible from the controllers’ perspective. Instead we get footage of the controllers talking where Jake and Marco (always those two for some reason) are clearly visible onscreen, less than 10 feet away. Heck, you could also toss some plastic spiders on the ground and add a voiceover of Jake and Marco thought-speaking.

Anyway, that episode is a microcosm of the whole show.

Problem: the show can only afford to use domestic animals (cat, dog, lizard, rat) in most episodes. Workaround: have The Gardens simply not exist in this universe and necessitate the kids needing to work with limited DNA they can find at home. What actually happens: the show does a big reveal for Jake’s tiger and Rachel’s lion and Marco’s wolf... only to have those go unused in 95% of future battles, making the kids look careless and terrible at tactical planning.

Problem: the hawk can’t act. Workaround: have Tobias get his morphing power back a lot sooner in the show. What actually happens: Tobias just isn’t there most of the time in Season 1.

Problem: there’s no budget for battle sequences. Workaround: focus on the atmospheric horror instead. What actually happens: stock footage of a tiger gets intermixed with Richard Sali (who plays Chapman) doing his best to react to a nonexistant tiger, and all conflicts resolve themselves with the controllers running away the moment the kids start to morph.

So on and so forth. There are other issues with the show — including some seriously unfortunate decisions about ethics and some cringe-inducing gender roles — but “can’t work within the limits of our budget” is at the root of most of the biggest problems.

#animorphs #anitv #long post #animorphs meta #anitv meta #budget #television shows #when i say that i could do better with 10 friends and their pets #i could do better with 10 friends and their pets #even if i do have the unfair advantage of 2021 technology #rageofkyubii #asks

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years ago

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The Cowboy - Part 11

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol) – highly suggestive scene and the angst train is back in action for this part

Word count: 2470

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

The celebrations continued even once you were back in Blayne. News travelled that Jaehyun had come in fourth with his score at the rodeo, earning him a cash prize and a qualifying ticket. When his truck hurtled down the main street, the evening was brighter than usual.

You peered curiously at Avery and then at the diner’s lights. “Shouldn’t that be closed by now?”

“They’re waiting for us,” he mentioned with a loose grin, and you blinked blankly. “To celebrate!”

“Oh! Right, of course. Everyone knows you’ve done it.” Glancing over at Jaehyun, who had been mostly silent for the ride home, you gave him a small smile before swallowing down your emotions.

Once you had pulled away from that life-altering kiss, Jaehyun had been taken in one direction and you in the other. He had interviews to do, and people within the circuit to meet with. Although the sun had still been out when he had finished his run, dusk had swooped in and carried it away by the time you were finally loading back up into the truck.

There was so much to talk about with Jaehyun.

“We won’t stay for long,” he announced when he parked the truck into the free spot outside the diner, and a small gasp left you when you found the place bustling with people.

Avery smirked. “We’re a tight-knit community. We celebrate everyone’s successes like this.”

“And everyone’s misfortunes too,” Jaehyun muttered, plastering a smile on his face before opening the door to the truck.

You hesitated to get out, and Jaehyun turned back to look at you questioningly. Rubbing your neck, you pointed awkwardly to the party. “Should I come in or wait out here?”

“Why are you even hesitating? You’re part of this world now.”

Still unconvinced, you took the hand he offered to help you down and then nodded softly, feeling rather subdued despite the happy atmosphere.

The noise once you were all inside increased tenfold, party poppers and streamers going off around you both. Jaehyun laughed and held out his arms to the heavens. “Looks like I’m still pretty decent, huh?!”

And then you lost track of all the conversations that began around you. Jaehyun was proudly talking about his run and Avery had shown everyone the recorded clip of it. You nodded and clapped along when prodded to join in, but remained on the outskirts.

It was foreign for you to see so many people come together like this to support each other. Sure, you had friends and family, but even then, it was never like this. A text to say congratulations when you got a promotion from your parents or some quiet drinks with a few friends to celebrate an award you had received. Nothing as loud as this.

You realised you craved this more than what you had back home. The community here was one that cared about each other. Even if they gossiped endlessly and had no filter at times, each person within the diner cared about the one they sat or stood next to. They had grown together, shared their burdens and prevailed against the odds as one.

It amazed you how much you still had to learn about Blayne even after living here for a couple of months.

“Y/N, did you enjoy the rodeo?” a voice asked, and you turned, smiling warmly at June.

“It was quite the experience.”

“You look rather exhausted.”

You nodded once. “A little.”

“Jaehyun, can you run Y/N home now?”

“Oh no! This is all about him, and I’m fine. Honestly.”

Jaehyun was at your side almost immediately, and he grinned. “I bet this is all too much for Miss City here. Come on. I’ll take you home.”

“But-!” you exclaimed as he gently tugged you out of the seat you had managed to secure earlier, dragging you to the exit with a hasty farewell. He opened the door to the truck and helped you in before rounding the other side and climbing aboard.

You stared at him. “You don’t have to-”

“My Mum is a gem, isn’t she?” he stated with a small smile, waving to those inside the diner. “She always finds ways for me to escape.”

“You mean her coming over to me just now was…?”

Jaehyun grinned. “Thanks for saving my butt tonight. I get really uncomfortable after an hour of being praised. It feels foreign to me.”

“Why? You’re the golden boy. No one can touch the Jung’s.”

Jaehyun smiled sadly as he started down the road. “Attention isn’t something much that I enjoy.”

“It sure looks like you did at the rodeo,” you mentioned, and Jaehyun shook his head, changing gear on the truck before reaching for your hand.

You could tell he had been craving your touch for some time.

“I wanted to have some time with just you earlier than this.”

“It’s okay. It’s not like I need to be anywhere else.”

Jaehyun sighed. “Don’t you have people waiting on you though?”

“People where?”

“Back in the city. Your work colleagues, your friends, your family. They’ll need you.”

“I miss them, for sure. Especially Natty. But it’s not like it is out here. Relationships are different.”

“We’re different?”

“Well I’ve never met a cowboy in the suburbs,” you teased, and Jaehyun chuckled.

“What you said earlier, what we did, I get it was the heat of the moment. A different atmosphere than what we both usually-”

“Are you backing out on me, Mr Cowboy?” you asked firmly, and Jaehyun glanced at you several times before stopping the truck in the middle of the country road.

“I’m giving you an option if you want to take it.”

“Didn’t you give me that once you ducked under the bar and came to my side?”

“You’re serious?”

“You don’t think I could love you already?” you proposed, staring intensely at the man beside you.

Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak, only to close it a moment later. He grinned. “You’ve rendered me speechless.”

“Why? Because you hoped I didn’t?”

“No, I hope you fall madly for me.”

“I’m well on my way,” you confirm, and Jaehyun shook his head incredulously. “What? Has no woman ever told you that they like you?”

“I’ve never felt deserving of it, no.”

“You and that self-worth of yours,” you muttered, reaching over to cup his jaw in your hand. Jaehyun caught your gaze, and you smiled. “I love you.”

“I don’t think that’s ever going to get old to hear.”

“You’ve not said it back once,” you pointed out, and Jaehyun chuckled.

“You’ve been waiting for it, huh?”

“Normally most people describe it as one says I love you, and the next says it back. I’ve seen enough movies about it,” you mentioned as Jaehyun finally started to drive again, soon heading down the start of your driveway.

“Claim? How come you sound as if you haven’t said anything like this before?”

“Because I haven’t,” you confessed, and Jaehyun stared at you then. You darted your gaze to the drive and reached for the steering wheel to balance the truck out. “Would you watch where you’re going?!”

“Would you stop making my heart swell so much?” he breathed, and you chewed on your lip quietly, Jaehyun taking back the wheel and gripped it tightly.

The energy was charged between you by the time he turned off the ignition and opened the squeaky truck door, you soon following him out.

Stretching your fingers out to try and loosen some of the tension coiling up within you, you both walked side by side up the porch and over to your front door.

“Well, if you’re exhausted, I should let you rest,” Jaehyun stated, and you nodded numbly, reaching in your purse for your keys.

“I had a good time. Thanks for taking me.”

“Sleep well, won’t you,” he said as you opened the front door, stepping over the threshold and taking hold of the wooden frame. You turned to glance back at Jaehyun, the deep way he looked at you causing your stomach to flip.

He didn’t move, however, and you slowly moved the door to close it until his hand reached out and stopped it, your heart now pounding with anticipation.

“I’m so in love with you,” he confessed hurriedly, stepping over the doorframe and picking you up in his arms.

You curled your limbs around him effortlessly, kissing him with demand as he shut the door, hands roaming and tugging at the clothes between you both.

It felt like too much effort to follow the path up to the bedroom, Jaehyun acting disorientated as he moved around the place, shedding your upper clothing in the process. Somehow you ended up in the kitchen, a moan leaving you as he propped you down on the countertop, your hands finally ridding him of the singlet that had been under his rodeo shirt.

He equally had removed your bottoms, staring at you in a way that made you feel like the only woman made for him. You embraced him as soon as he was close enough to, and Jaehyun groaned into your ear. “I’ve been in love with you for some time now.”

“It’s not a race. Just because you hold a record around these parts, doesn’t mean you need to prove you beat me to feel something back for you.”

“You’re something else you know that? Who knew you’d come into this town and change everything for me?”

“Whatever happened to the guy who told me I wouldn’t last a month?” you breathed out, arching your back as his mouth trailed from your neck to your chest.

Jaehyun smirked at you then, his hands moving to cup your breasts within them. “You made sure about adapting to this place.”

“It’s not so bad. I mean, sometimes I would kill for the accessibility of the city, and have a Starbucks nearby. The smell sometimes out here is something I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to either.”

“I feel there’s a but attached here,” he mused, reaching up to kiss your lips passionately. It was strange to be having such a conversation with the temperature and physical needs between you increasing.

Yet when you pulled back for more air, you beamed at him. “But I’m falling in love with this place, this town, and your people. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way now.”

The new week began, and you felt as if you were riding along on cloud nine. Everything was beautiful out here. You worked, you explored, and you loved long into the summer nights with Jaehyun. Your riding lessons continued, and now that you had the hang of loping, you would often feel exhilarated riding Roger. You felt free and empowered.

Blayne was more than just a small blip on any map.

Despite it all, you still regarded the reason you came here as a priority. With your plan neatly tucked into your briefcase, and slipping into one of your more casual business attires, you looked into the mirror of the bathroom and smoothed down your hair.

“Today’s the day,” you told your reflection, smiling brightly.

Everything about you felt ready right now. You had all the signatures you had sought out, and word had travelled enough for Mr Jung to reach out for this meeting to happen a day earlier.

Today you would get the piece of land you needed to start the redevelopment.

You drove to the Jung’s homestead with your game face on, your finger tapping on the steering wheel repeatedly. You hummed a tune to yourself and ran through the opening part to your proposal in your head. When you parked the car, you smiled brightly at Avery when you crossed him on the yard, but he didn’t return the gesture quite as genuinely.

“Nice day, isn’t it?” you greeted all the same, and Avery grimaced.

“I think you might need to prepare yourself.”

“Oh, I’m completely ready for this,” you assured him, but Avery shook his head.

“Not for your plan. Listen, Y/N, things have-”

“You’re here,” Mr Jung cut in, and you turned your attention to the elder, nodding confidently at the man. “Come inside.”

Following him in and frowning at Avery’s worried expression, you stopped midway in taking the seat across from Mr Jung’s desk when you noticed Jaehyun sitting in the one next to it. “What are you doing here? I can pitch my idea to your father alone.”

“Pitch your idea?” Mr Jung repeated, laughing hollowly. “I didn’t ask you here today to listen to any nonsense about the resort plans your company has. I have no interest in them.”

“With full respect, Mr Jung, I’ve worked incredibly hard with the people of Blayne to find a happy medium.”

“And just how many of them did you sleep with or was it just my boy here?”

“Dad!”

“No. I want to hear it from her. Was it in the plan you made to sleep with my son to get the land, to trespass onto what can never be yours, and fool this idiot into thinking you could actually have something together?”

You were rendered speechless, your game face falling away and crumbling into a thousand pieces. You tried to say something, anything, to not only prove your sincerity but to defend yourself against his vicious attack.

However, Mr Jung’s tongue wasn’t done yet, and he glared at his son, shaking his head slowly. “I should have left you to die in that fire you started. If this was how you wanted to end Blayne, I’d much rather you have gone up in smokes back then than face you and your betrayal now.”

The information stunned you further, and your head jarringly turned to the man now sobbing in the chair beside you. “You were the one to start the fire?”

“It’s not how you see it!” Jaehyun exclaimed, though to whom, you didn’t quite know.

Regathering yourself, you shook your head. “Mr Jung, please allow me to explain myself, as you requested earlier.”

“You have nothing of worth for me to listen to. I’d like for you to pack your bags and be gone from Blayne before sunset.”

“Excuse me?! Surely I can do something to change your opinion-”

Mr Jung slammed his fist down on the table. “Outsiders like you only cause problems for the people who breathe for this place. Get out and don’t come back.”

Glancing at Jaehyun, who was rocking back and forth in his chair holding his head, and then back at the resolute expression on the owner of this land’s face, you finally allowed your emotions to burst through, choking on the sob that followed.

“I’m so sorry!” you announced before turning for the door and running out it.

_________________

Part 12

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blackswaneuroparedux · 4 years ago

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Anonymous asked: Have you watched Lupin? What did you think? (And are you a fan of the books or other adaptations of the character?)

The short answer is yes, I have seen Lupin on Netflix. Overall I enjoyed it so long as I suspended my disbelief at certain things.

Unfortunately it took being struck down by Covid and being bedridden for me to actually to binge watch the whole series. So I was behind the curve when my friends, French and those outside of France, started to talk about it around me. I had to beg them not to give away spoilers until I had seen it all.

It did surprise me that it won rave widespread reviews outside France because usually French drama series don’t travel very well outside of France. I’m sure even Netflix had no idea how successful it would be for them. I’m sure being in Covid lockdown had something to do with it. In any case I don’t begrudge its success as it’s well earned.

However I wasn’t too surprised that within France itself the French reviews were decidely mixed and divisive. The critic at Le Point painfully hit the nail on the head when he wrote, “Le plus gros défaut de l'ensemble reste la pauvreté des personnages, tous unidimensionnels, caricaturaux et aussi épais que du papier à cigarette.“ - loosely translated as, ‘the biggest flaw of the whole thing remains the poverty of the characters, all one-dimensional, cartoonish and as thick as cigarette paper’.

There’s a growing amount of good French stuff on TV and streaming services but a non-French audience will not have had the chance to have seen all of it yet. I can think of any number of French television drama/dramedy/cmedy series that are much better than Lupin with better plots, characters, and even a truer perspective of French society and even modern day France (Dix pour cent (Call My Agent!), Le Bureau des Légendes, Engrenages, Baron Noir, and Paris Police 1900). But you would be hard pressed to find anything that comes close to Lupin just for the sake of something fun to watch during the Covid lockdown.

What makes the current generation of home made French television series so interesting is how much of it is a reflection of France’s own anxieities about itself and its role in a increasingly English speaking dominating world. In a funny way it sees itself as defiant plucky Asterix fighting off the Roman American cultural hordes from totally invading their Francophone culture.

For sure, it has societal and racial issues stemming from its colonial legacy and issues of immigration and integration (France has the largest Muslim population in Europe). However it seems to want to ‘resolve’ these issues through the almost sacramental adherence to French secularist ideals rather than American inspired ideas of social justice and equity. There’s always been something very admirable about the French - from the time of General de Gaulle and perhaps before - always swinging from snooty ambivalence to outright antipathy towards the influence of American culture ‘americanising’ French culture (no to Walmarts or fast food chains for example).

Is it any wonder then that Netflix’s ill-conceived American series ‘Emily in Paris’ was widely hated and mocked within France for just perpetuating those lazy American tropes of Paris and French culture?

Personally I know Francophile Americans, long resident in Paris, who were frankly embarrassed and spent a lot of time apologising to their French friends. I have one American friend who has told me that she was so mad that she would have blind folded Emily and shoved her hard in the car boot and drive her all the way to the poorest of the banlieues in the grimey crime saturated suburbs of Paris - Seine-Saint-Denis came to mind - and dump her preening arse there. She would slap her and tell the spoilt entitied brat to make her own way back home - you know, to her spacious apartment in one of the most expensive arrondissements of Paris that of course(!) any American intern working for French marketing firms can afford.

I digress. My apologies. Watching this God awful show gives me PTSD.

Onto Lupin.

Thankfully Lupin doesn’t try to play to non-French tropes of what Paris is or isn’t. It does skim the surface of current discontents within French culture and society (race, class, power, and money) but ever so lightly so as to not get in the way of just spinning a good crowd pleasing yarn. It invites you to have fun and not to think too much. I have to be honest and say I enjoyed it as long as I suspended my disbelief here and there.

Lupin refers of course to the character Arsène Lupin, the French gentleman thief who stole jewellery from Parisian haute bourgeois and aristocracy at the turn of the century. Lupin, as written in the novels and short stories by Maurice Leblanc between 1905 and his death in 1941, was the archetypical anti-hero, a Robin Hood who stole from those who deserved it but kept the loot himself. He was often portrayed often a force for good, while operating on the wrong side of the law.

Lupin never really made much of an impact outside of France as he had within France where is revered with many French film and television adaptations. In England, we already had a Lupin type character in the form of A.J. Raffles, a cricket playing gentleman thief with his aristocratic side kick, Bunny. E.W. Horning’s stories of Raffles’ daring heists proved to be quite popular with the British public when Raffles first appeared on the scene in 1898. And even later Leslie Charteris’ The Saint took over the mantle from Raffles as the gentleman thief/adventuring Robin Hood.

I think Hollywood tried to introduce him to an English speaking audience (legendary actor John Barrymore even played him) but he didn’t really take off and eventually they found their gentleman thief archetype in Sir Charles Lytton aka The Phantom (played by David Niven and Christopher Plummer) in the Pink Panther movies. So Lupin never got the English audience he deserved.

I first got wind of who Arsène Lupin was when I was growing up in Japan as a child. As strange as it sounds Lupin was big in Japan especially after World War Two. The Japanese did their own take on the Lupin character using Japanese actors and plot lines but it was Lupin.

I don’t know how exactly but I remember watching these scratchy DVDs of these Lupin inspired films. I think it was one of my parents’ Japanese friends who was mad for all things Lupin and he had studied French literature in France. Jogging my memory I now recall these black & white films were done in the 1950s. One starred Keiji Sada and the other version I remember was with Eija Okada (he was in Resnais’ classic film, Hiroshima Mon Amour) as Arsene Lupin called (I think) Kao-no Nai Otoko. I didn’t understand most of it at the time because it was all in Japanese and my Japanese (at the time) was pitiful, but it looked fun.

There was even a Japanese manga version of Lupin which was called Lupin III, - so named because he was the grandson of the real Arsène Lupin.

The 1960s manga series spawned generations of TV series which I do remember watching and finding it terribly exciting if somewhat confusing.

It was French expatriate friends whom my family knew that introduced me to the real Arsène Lupin. They had a few of the books authored by Maurice Leblanc. It was in French so I read them to improve my French but enjoyed the story along the way.

I also remember them showing me scratchy episodes of the 1970s Franco-German TV series ‘Arsène Lupin’ with the monocle wearing Georges Descrières in the lead role. It was a classical re-telling of the adventures of the aristocratic gentleman-burglar and very family friendly viewing. I don’t really remember much of it to be honest.

It was some years before I actually started to read more of the Maurice Leblanc’s novels and short stories collection. I have them all now. I was a teen and I remember being stuck in a snowed in a Swiss Alpine chalet and with nothing else to do but pull out a few dog eared books from the bookshelves belonging to our French host and read to pass the time.

I read Les Dents du tigre, Arsène Lupin vs Herlock Sholmes, and Les Huit Coups de l'horloge and thoroughly enjoyed them in the original French. I was already reading classic detective and mystery novels (Sherlock Holmes, Poirot etc) so it was natural to read the adventures of Arsène Lupin.

I haven’t got around to reading all the novels and short stories but I have read most of them and I enjoyed them all immensely. In the same way Conan Doyle, through Holmes and Watson, manages to conjure a convincing picture of late Victorian and early Edwardian England, so Leblanc manages to give us a taste of Belle Epoque France through the eyes of his suave gentleman-thief, Arsène Lupin.

Indeed it's a lot like reading Sherlock Holmes in that you're always trying to figure out how he did it, but the difference is that you are rooting for the bad guy. You can’t help but be drawn to this gentleman thief who is charming, comic, playful, and romantic and generous. Lupin is not an intellectual puzzle-solver but first a master criminal, later a detective helper, who maintains his curious ethics throughout his adventures. In this regard he is very much the anti-Sherlock Holmes; and I wasn’t disappointed when I actually read the story where Lupin faces off with Holmes himself. Brilliant!

I’ve also seen the 2004 French movie with Romain Duris in the Lupin lead role and it also starred the majestic Kristin Scott Thomas and the sexy Eva Green.

It was a decent adventure flick and it was a clear confluence of different Lupin novels (The Queen's Necklace (introducing Lupin's childhood), The Hollow Needle (where the treasure is the macguffin of the story), The Arrest of Arsène Lupin (the gala on the ship as a backdrop) and Josephine Balsamo, (one of Lupin’s most memorable opponents in the The Countess Of Cagliostro).

Romaine Duris, a fine classical actor, was I felt miscast because he didn’t have Lupin’s levity of wit and be at ease within himself. I love Duris in his other films but in Arsène Lupin and even in his other film, Moliere, he seemed ill at ease with the role. Perhaps that’s just me.

The latest Netflix adaptation (or reimagining to be more precise) is a welcome addition to the world of Arsène Lupin.If you don’t over-think it, it’s bags of fun.

Omar Sy is immensely likeable. Sy is a deservedly a big star in France - he won the best actor César for “The Intouchables,” an international hit - and has played forgettable secondary characters in big-budget American special effects movies (he was Chris Pratt’s assistant in “Jurassic World” and a minor mutant in “X-Men: Days of Future Past”). It was reportedly his desire to play Arsène Lupin, whom he’s compared to James Bond (“fun, funny, elegant”), that led to the series, created by British writer George Kay. And it is on his charm that the series largely, though not entirely, rests.

So the basic story revolves around a jewellery heist. Sy plays Assane Diop, a first-generation French-Senegalese man in contemporary Paris. A collection of Lupin stories, a gift from his father - whose undeserved fate Assane set himself to avenge in long-delayed, Count of Monte Cristo style upon a criminal tycoon - has made the actual Lupin books a foundation of his life and profitably illicit career. This fan-ship goes as far as borrowing practical ideas from the stories and constructing aliases out of anagrams of “Arsene Lupin,” a habit that will attract the interest of a low-level police detective (Soufiane Guerrab as Youssef Guedira) who shares Assane’s love of the books. (That the detective also shares an initial with Lupin’s own adversary, Inspector Ganimard, is possibly not a coincidence.)

Among the many comic delights of Lupin, is an unspoken one. Time and again, the show’s hero, master thief Assane Diop is able to slip into a place unnoticed, or by assuming a minor disguise that prevents witnesses from providing an accurate description of him to law enforcement.

Why is this funny?

Because Omar Sy is six feet three (and, since most actors are short, seems even taller), is roughly as wide as soccer pitch, and is memorable even before he flashes his infectious million-Euro smile. This is not a man for whom anonymity should be possible - even allowing for racial bias in a majority-white country, Assane would be memorable and distinctive - and Lupin seems cheekily aware of this. Like the various incredible sleights of hand Assane deploys to pull off his thefts and escapes, his ability to be anyone, anywhere, is treated more as a superpower than as something even the world’s greatest criminal would be able to pull off.

At one point, when he’s slated for a cable news appearance as a much older man, we learn that Assane is also a master of disguise. The revelation of this skill arrives with a wink in the show, and it feels pointless to ask where he learned it, or how he affords movie-quality latex and makeup. Or rather, asking the question feels wrong.

We know this is impossible, the show seems to be asking its viewers again and again, but isn’t it so much fun?

The performances and the production - it has that particularly European filmic quality of feeling natural even when it gets stylish - keep the series warm even as the plot is made up of incredulous contraptions that require everything to go right at just the right time and for human psychology to be 100% predictable. Its physics are classical rather than quantum, one might say, and like the world itself, which becomes more curious the deeper you peer into things, it is best handled along the surface. You do not want to take too much time working out the likelihood of any of this happening. Just go along for the ride.

Somehow, though, it all works because Sy is so magnetic and charming that questioning plot logic feels wildly besides the point. Though he never looks appreciably different in his various aliases (including one ill-conceived live-TV appearance done under old-man makeup and a thick beard), he changes his posture and voice ( if you watch it in French that is) enough to allow for the willing suspension of disbelief, in the same way that any lead actor as Superman has to do when playing Clark Kent. But Sy and the show are at their strongest when Assane is just being his own Superman self, utterly relaxed and confident in his own skin, and so captivating that his ex-partner, Claire, can’t really resist him despite ample reason to.

If Assane seems practically perfect in every way, he is not perfectly perfect. His most obvious failing is that his criminal shenanigans and revenging make him less than reliable in his daily life, affecting his relationships with ex-partner Claire (Ludivine Sagnier, whom non-French audiences might recognise from “The Young Pope” and “The New Pope”), who despairs of his inability to show up on time to see his son Raoul (Etan Simon). Like Sy, Sagnier brings a lot of soul to her part - though onscreen far less, she’s as important as Sy to the series’ success - and the two actors have great chemistry. Also impressive and key to creating sympathy are the actors who play their flashback teenage selves, Mamadou Haidara and Ludmilla Makowski. Really, you could do away with action elements and build a series around them.

This is a pity because Lupin often fumbles its emotional reveals in other parts - the story of Diop being torn between his job and his family feels like wheel-spinning, rather than genuine emotional intrigue.

Soufiane Guerrab is wasted in the Young Detective Consumed by the Case role and spends most of this season pinning colour printouts of book covers to cork boards and getting waved off by his colleagues, who are all blinded or otherwise hampered by careerism.

But to my mind the weakest link is the villain himself and his daughter. Veteran actor Hervé Pierre hams it up as Hubert Pellegrini, a business tycoon who is the patriarch of the Pellegrini family. He just comes across as animated cartoon villain with no character depth (think moustache twirling Russian villain, Boris Badenov, in the Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoon shows). He just emotes anger a lot without any nuance or hint of complexity.

Even Clotilde Hesme who plays the daughter who is unaware of her father’s criminal tendencies is miscast. For the record I adore Clotilde Hesme as she one of France’s most talented classical actresses (that non-French outsiders will not have heard of). She is a classically theatre trained actress and is one of the best stage actresses of her generation that I have ever seen. I’ve seen her in plays where she is just mesmerising. She has said before that she’s more comfortable on the stage than she is on the screen. And when she has been on screen she still has been a powerful presence. She’s actually won a César too. Here in Lupin, she seems to have no agency and looks bored with nothing really to do.I really hope they give her more scenes in the next part of Lupin.

The series is at its best when following Diop enacting his plans, and when revealing each one from a different vantage, making us privy to every moving part like a magician revealing his secrets. The show captures the momentum of a clockwork heist, the tension of sudden obstacles and the ingenuity of improvised responses, with thrilling precision (especially in “Chapter 1 - Le Collier de la reine,” directed by Now You See Me’s Louis Leterrier).

Lupin is also politically incisive when it wants to be; it brings to mind Ladj Ly’s Oscar-nominated 2019 film Les Misérables, which adapted the broad strokes of Victor Hugo’s novel about the 1832 Paris Rebellion, and modernised the story by focusing on the police brutality faced by non-white Parisians.

Lupin opens with Diop disguised as cleaning staff and entering the Louvre after-hours, alongside dozens of forgotten, anonymous non-white workers as they pass by “La Liberté guidant le people,” Eugène Delacroix’s famous painting of the July Revolution of 1830 which replaced France’s hereditary rule with popular sovereignty.

Before any semblance of plot or character, Lupin centres broken ideals and promises unkept (without giving too much away, the show’s primary villain has much more nationalistic view of French culture and history which merely adds to a cartoonish caricature than a complex character). The rest of the episode is about valuable jewels once owned by Marie Antionette - one of the most recognisable symbols of wealth and extravagance in times of extreme poverty - which are put up for auction by the Pelligrini family, and bid on by other wealthy collectors with bottomless purses and no sense of irony.

Granted, beyond this auction subplot, explorations of race and class are largely limited to individual interactions, but the show continues to refer back to (and implicitly comment on) its source material in ways that wink at the audience. An elderly, unassuming target of Diop’s schemes seems like an unlikely victim at first - Diop, though he acts in his own self-interest, usually displays a moral compass - until this victim reveals the colonial origins of her wealth, immediately re-contextualising the ethics of the situation, in a manner that Leblanc’s stories did not. (The show is yet to apply this lens to Arsène Lupin himself, who Diop treats with reverence, but that’s a secondary concern since Lupin is entirely fictional in-world).

Barring some nagging structural problems - like cutting to flashbacks when things are getting exciting, or epilogues that feel ten minutes too long - Lupin mostly works. It plants a few personal seeds early on, which it keeps hinting at without fully addressing, but by the time its scattered elements come into focus, the show finally figures out how to weave them together, and delivers a mid-season cliffhanger that renders many of these flaws irrelevant.

Lupin manages to have fun even with an antiquated premise - the story of a suave con-man who charms his way through high-profile robberies - while adding just enough new spin on the concept to feel refreshing. Omar Sy may not have much to work with, but his alluring presence makes Assane Diop feel like a worthy successor to Arsène Lupin.

Lupin isn’t going to win César, BAFTA, or Emmy awards, or even turn heads for its ability to develop tertiary or even secondary plots or characters - that doesn’t really matter. You’re there to see a difficult hero be difficult and heroic - everyone else is there to be charmed, vexed, or eluded by them. Sy’s performance bounds off the screen, and is almost musical. He floats through scenes like he glides over the roofs and through the back alleys of Paris; he outmanoeuvres his foes with superior literary references and sheer athleticism. He is irresistible and also good at everything he tries, even kidnapping.

I would encourage anyone to watch Lupin for a fun care free ride. But the only caveat I would make is watch it in the original French.

If you don’t know French then put on the subtitles to understand (that’s what they are there for). The real crime is to watch this (or any film or television series) dubbed in a foreign language. It’s disrespectful to the actors and film makers and it’s silly because it’s comical to watch something dubbed over.

Please watch it in the original French.

Then go and read the books. You won’t regret it.

Thanks for your question.

#question #ask #lupin #omar sy #netflix #tv show #culture #personal #arsene lupin #japan #maurice leblanc #france #french #society #arts

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booktomoviebrawl · 1 year ago

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We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising:

Painfully generic-dumbed-down-fantasy-action trying to channel better film franchises instead of the atmospheric, mythopoetic and lyrical children’s book it is technically based on. Bonus points for the open contempt people involved had for the source material, both in how they treated it and what they said about it.

BAD. Bad bad bad!! They completely changed Will's character. In the books he does get frustrated sometimes, but is mostly kind and patient and really makes you believe that he is both an ancient being and an 11 year old boy and in the movie they changed it so he's like really mad and angsty and just the total opposite of his actual character!! Absolute butchery. And they cut the Wild Hunt! And changed a bunch of other plot stuff and it overall just sucked.

where do I even begin. they made the main character American for no reason (this is perhaps the most egregious change), aged him up to 14, and added a straight romance subplot. they were so indecisive during production that they CUT AN ENTIRE MAIN CHARACTER in the time between the trailer and the actual film release. they completely fucked up all of Will’s family stuff. in pursuit of “relatability” they got rid of everything that makes the book good and put in THE most generic, poorly written, poorly acted (except Christopher Eccleston, who did okay), and poorly produced garbage. it was in theaters for like…less than a week; we were supposed to see it for my birthday but it was already gone. it doesn’t even have, like, half-decent special effects. it is an insult.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children:

While Miss Peregrine was one of my favorite books as a kid and incredibly unique in the way the story is written (The author basically took a box of weird antique photographs and created an underlying story behind a handful of them) the movie is incredibly boring. Like seriously I can't remember a single goddamn thing about the movie besides my extreme disappointment with it after leaving the theatres. It's probably because the original is a trilogy but they didn't want to make it a trilogy for the movie so they just scrapped the ending of the first book and rewrote a shitty climax where they threw snowballs at the nightmare child eating creatures or something. I remember THAT scene perfectly because it was so, so dumb. It was so stupid oh my God- ALSO, thank God I have a copy of the book from before the film came out because new copies don't have one of the photographs that the actual book uses as a base anymore and instead have the shitty movie poster! We truly do live in a society.

Changed way too much so it doesn't feel like the same thing. The main characters are these kids with different abilities (called peculiarities) and the movie switches around their powers and changes almost everyone's age. Emma and Olive switch powers so that Emma now floats (they also added that she can kind of control air to some extent) when she's supposed to have fire powers to match her fiery personality. Olive can make fire now and she's also aged up from an eight year old to a teenager and put her in this weird romance with Enoch. Enoch is also aged up from a grumpy thirteen year old to around the same age as Olive. Bronwyn, one of the older kids in the book and sort of a motherly figure to the younger kids, is now one of the youngest kids. Hugh and Fiona are aged down and basically have no interaction at all in the movie, even when their book counterparts had such a good relationship. The only one they didn't really change was Horace and Jacob. They also added these gorgon twins that do like two things. The antagonist in the movie is Mr. Barron who honestly isn't super memorable and isn't in the books whatsoever. The ending of the movie is weird too because they manage to turn back time somehow so Jacob's grandfather isn't dead and then he hops through loops so he can be with Emma and the other peculiars. I guess the problem of wights and hollowgasts is magically eliminated and we do not have to deal with the consequences. It took six books to fix everything. I appreciate that the movie engaged me enough to read the series but once I did, I could not believe they did my kids that dirty.

Yikes where to start. The 3 girl characters are all mixed up. There are 2 teens, one who's super strong and has a brother (I'll get back to him) and one who controls fire and is the love interest named Emma. The third girl is a child called Olive who floats. She's lighter than air.

In the movie, strong girl is the child, olive is now the fire girl and is for some reason super introverted, and Emma the love interest floats and gets given a super breath??? Power?? Like she rises a sunken ship by blowing in and keeps a man blown against a wall by blowing air at him. He makes a remark that she'll run out of breath eventually, which happens here because plot convenience, but not when she's blowing in the sunken ship.

The enemies in the book are terrifying Hollows. Creatures who have lost themselves and devour souls of those with powers... The movie decides they eat eyes now. And turn human again. And get busted up in a fair for the final act of the movie. Ugh.

The movie also decides randomly that time travelling through the loops is a thing; a loop being a pocket of time that replays the same day over and over. But apparently this means Main Character can travel back in time and stop his grandfather dying??? What?? His grandfathers death is the whole start of the movie and motivation for the character.

The movie undermines many of things that made the book amazing and even decides it's not a trilogy anymore!! Fuck the other 2 books, right?!

Tldr; it is terribly hollywood-ised and t tim Burton ruined a franchise by trying too hard to make it quirky and fun when the books already had a brilliant sombre and interesting tone to them.

#tournament poll #the dark is rising #the seeker #miss peregrines home for peculiar children

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years ago

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Psycho Analysis is a series that looks at villains across various media in the hopes of coming to something of a consensus on the overall quality of the character. Are they performed well? Do they enrich the narrative? Are their motives fleshed out? Are they voiced by Tim Curry and thus a sex icon?

There are a lot of important questions that I look into, but ultimately, Psycho Analysis boils down to asking one simple little question: How bad can a character be?

Thankfully, there’s one villain who decided to answer that question for me... in song form.

Psycho Analysis: The Once-ler

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Yeah, I’m finally talking about everyone’s favorite greedy bastard who, back in some of the darkest days of Tumblr history, ended up being the premier sexyman on the website. People were thirsting over this twiggy weirdo, acting as if he were God’s gift to women and shipping him with alternate versions of himself. Much like the movie he’s from, he is now incredibly hard to take seriously.

But hey, speaking of alternate versions of himself, I’m going to be covering him from the original book and the animated short film as well. Might as well just knock it all out of the park at once, right? Now let’s see how ba-a-a-ad this guy can be.

Motivation/Goals: The Once-ler is all about biggering. He’s making thneeds (things that everyone needs) and he is gonna stop at nothing to craft these things. Not even the power of the Lorax, Danny DeVito or otherwise, is going to stay his hand from getting that sweet, soft Truffula fluff to make his wares. This is ultimately a little unrealistic, at least for the Illumination version; if Danny DeVito asked me not to do something, I’d listen, no questions asked.

Performance: In the animated special, Bob Holt does double duty, as he is portraying both Once-ler and the title character. It works really well for what they’re going for, and the double casting is interesting because it highlights the ultimate role of the Lorax as the Once-ler’s conscience given form.

In the film, Ed Helms portrays the Once-ler, and he’s fine. He’s certainly better casting than Audrey, but that’s not particularly saying much considering that’s a non-singing Taylor Swift (when Cats is able to utilize Taylor Swift better than your musical, you know there’s trouble). I don’t know, Ed Helms is fun and all, but I’m just not sure his take on the Once-ler is all too compelling overall.

Final Fate: In the original book and the special, the Once-ler wins… but even he realizes it’s a terrible, pointless victory, and all he has achieved is ruin, his family leaving him, his business ultimately collapsing, and the environment permanently damaged. He’s left as a miserable, jaded hermit, broken by the bleak consequences his greedy actions have sown upon the world and only able to tell his story and pass on the last Truffula seed in the hopes that maybe, maybe someday the trees can regrow and the Lorax will return. The Illumination version follows this but then tacks on a happy ending where the Lorax and Once-ler reunite because as we know ambiguity and bittersweet endings cannot exist in children’s films.

Best Scene: Obviously it’s the scene where he shakes his ass to seduce Jack Frost, in one of the greatest gay romances ever put to film.

Joking aside, it is undoubtedly his villain song. It has become such a meme, but real talk? “How Bad Can I Be” slaps. This is a really good song, probably too good for the movie but you know what, I’ll take it.

youtube

Best Quote: HOW BA-A-A-AD CAN I BE? Yes, I’m using a line from his villain song. Sue me.

Final Thoughts & Score: What can one really say about the movie version of the Once-ler that hasn’t already been run into the ground? Well, how about… He’s not too bad, honestly? Like, yes, he has next to nothing to do with his book counterpart and they really go way too far into trying to make a capitalist pig sympathetic… but the animated special from the 70s did that too. I think the Once-ler honestly works better when there is a dash of complexity to him and he isn’t just a simple-minded Captain Planet villain.

Of course, the issue here is that the 70s version took a simpler approach, kind of less is more. The 70s Once-ler brings up some valid points to the Lorax about his work, and the Lorax can’t help but agree that there’s no easy answer while also stressing that the environmental devastation is still really, really bad. It works, it feels complex, and it arguably helps the ultimate point that we need to protect the environment better than even the book did (and I love the book, don’t get me wrong, but its take on the Once-ler is a bit too simple for its own good; it almost runs into the Femme Fatale problem by being a bit too much of a strawman). The movie version has a bit too much going on, especially with his family. His family are much more blatantly evil, greedy, and manipulative, but they’re relegated to the background for much of the film and don’t effect things all that much. The whole narrative would have been infinitely stronger if they were the greater scope villains behind Once-ler and were who needed to be defeated and maybe taught a lesson, but instead they are ignored in favor of someone I’ll address very shortly.

All of this leaves movie Once-ler feeling extremely disjointed, but not irredeemably so. As I said before, his villain song is unironically awesome, and as lame as it is compared to the more haunting, contemplative ending of the book and the special, I’m not so much of a curmudgeon that I didn’t at least smile when he finally reconciled with the Lorax. Ultimately though, him being memed to death really didn’t help his case, but it means I’m not giving the movie version anything less than a 3/10. He might in fact be the best “so bad it’s good” villain ever, or at least up there. He’s just so undeniably enjoyable even if the narrative isn’t making him as complex as it thinks it is. The animated special version gets a 9/10, the book version is a 7/10, and the Once-ler’s family gets a 5/10 for being an interesting concept they sadly do little with, which will now be elaborated on as I follow up on the foreshadowing from the last paragraph...

Psycho Analysis: Aloysius O’Hare

Remember how I said the Once-ler’s family gets ignored in favor of someone else? Here he is, Aloysius O’Hare, one of the absolute lamest villains ever put to screen.

Motivation/Goals: He’s greedy. That’s it. I’m not kidding. He’s just a cartoonish caricature of a rich person, which still makes him a realistic portayal but also makes him boring as sin compared to the wacky dude with a big musical number about how bad he can be.

Performance: Rob Riggle does a decent job, but there’s really not much for him to work with here. This character is a cardboard cutout who exists to be as cartoonishly greedy and evil as possible with no nuance so the kids know who to root against and so that Once-ler doesn’t look bad in comparison.

Final Fate: Look, he’s a blatantly evil corporate villain in a kid’s movie about the environment. Of course he gets defeated and everyone turns on him. What’s especially funny though is that, on the brink of learning his lesson, he rejects any form of redemption and just goes whole hog on being a villain.

Best Scene: I will absolutely give him this: in the face of his ultimate defeat, after having the virtues of trees sung to him and the entire town turning on him, he for a moment contemplates turning over a new leaf… and then absolutely rejects the thought and instead decides being evil is just too much fun, at which point he tries to get everyone back on his side by seeing a funny little song about death while wavedashing. If more shitty villains did this, I don’t think there would be shitty villains.

Best Quote: LET IT DIE, LET IT DIE, LET IT SHRIVEL UP AND DIE! Yes I’m quoting a song again.

Final Thoughts & Score: Look, I’m not gonna mine words here: O’Hare sucks. Big time. He is a prime example of why The Lorax failed as an adaptation. In a story that is dealing with a moral grayness with no easy answers, O’Hare is just a big, blatant target, a dark shade of black in terms of black-and-white morality. He��s like a reject Captain Planet villain with Edna Mode’s haircut.

The movie would have been infinitely better if, instead of him, the Once-ler’s family were in control of the town, and they needed to learn the lesson about saving the trees instead of simply vanishing from the story. They were shown to be overbearing, manipulative, and greedy, and they had a much more personal connection with Once-ler being, you know, his actual family. The fact they abandon him and never really get any sort of comeuppance despite being perhaps the most evil people in the move, egging on Once-ler and taking full advantage of him, makes O’Hare all the more egregious, because there could have been some strong thematic elements that would have tied the film together and made it come off as much less preachy and more nuanced.

But we don’t live in a world where that happened, we live in a world where we got O’Hare. Aside from some genuine hilarity from him at the end, O’Hare really adds very little to the film. I gotta give him a 2/10, but I will say he’s a lot closer to a 3 than he is to a 1; there’s no denying his absolute rejection of learning a moral is absolutely hilarious. I love when villains do that. It’s just a shame those funny moments are wrapped up in something monumentally unimpressive.

#Psycho Analysis #The Once-ler #The Lorax #Ed Helms #Aloysius O'Hare #Rob Riggle

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